When My Brother Starts Talking
Yesterday afternoon Sawyer and I took a trip to Starbucks. I needed a coffee and some alone time with my little man.
When we are in the car together he talks nonstop.
It’s the kind of chatter that I love.
He tells me about school, dinosaurs, and the newest Nerf Gun.
He tells me about his friends. And what he wants for Christmas. And that we need to hurry up and write his letter to Santa.
I soak it all up.
Every single word.
On our way home he started telling me about a watch that you can use as a phone. He told me that if I buy it for him then I can call him whenever I want.
He went onto to tell me how cool they are. And that they hardly cost any money at all. And that he really, really, really wants one.
As my mind was starting to wander to my extensive to do list I heard him say…
‘And mama, if I have that watch, I’ll be ready when my brother starts talking.’
I felt the immediate sick feeling to my stomach.
I asked him to repeat himself.
‘I want to be ready mama. He’s going to have so much to say and I want to make sure he calls me first.’
I kept my cool.
And asked one single question.
‘Do you think brother is going to start talking Sawyer?’
In the back of my mind I was thinking….maybe he knows something I don’t know. Call it a child’s intuition. Or a brother’s.
Maybe he knows some big secret that I don’t. And one day, long after Cooper starts talking my ear off, I’ll laugh at how Sawyer told me this would happen.
He responded with, ‘I don’t know mama. I just want to be ready.’
I agreed with him.
‘I want to be ready too Sawyer.’
But I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I’ve been waiting for so many years that it hurts to even hope anymore.
He doesn’t need to know that.
He just needs to be ready in case it happens.
There is nothing quite like the love of a brother.
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I think he’s going to talk someday too, Sawyer…..
I have just read your blog, it made me tear up a little, I’m a single dad and my son Freddie has autism, I always keep up to date with your posts and I hope one day he talks so he can speak to me, his sister And other brother, Even all the way in England I follow your every post, thank you!
Kate,
That truly touched my heart. He just wants to be ready…as he should be.
Cate reading this post brings me joy. As part of my post grad paediatric nursing degree i did a study on the siblings of children with complex ongoing illness. It was many years ago and Autism was not as recognized as it is now. That study was so relevant to my career by allowing me to look beyond just the little person with the illness, beyond the parents and to be inclusive and aware of siblings and impact on them and also the importance of them. Your story today Cate is so positive and tells us all just how important Sawyer is in Cooper’s life. His unwavering belief, his love in wanting to be there, to be included. To let you know he believes, he can share his dreams for his brother with you. For you and Jamie to know he loves his brother no matter what. They will have their normal brotherly annoyances with each other but that is ok. Cate you have 3 beautiful amazing sons. Sawyer has your heart, he has your back, he has Cooper’s back. Yours is a great story I wish they all were. Get those boys their watches because they just might need them one day.