Archive for July 2018
Will it Always Feel This Way?
I’ve been crying a lot lately. The list of public places in which I’ve broken down is growing and I’m not sure if I should be glad I have the ability to let it all out or if it’s reaching an unhealthy point. A few weeks ago it was a Chic-fil-a while I watched my kids play. There are parking lots all over this city that have seen my tears. My steering wheel has tried to comfort me to no avail. Today, it was the parking lot of an arts…
Read MoreAutism and Other People
One of the hardest things about raising a child who is different is other people. When we’re at the grocery store and my child has an iPhone in her hand, it’s not because I’m lazy. Lazy would be the last word anyone would use to describe my parenting. My child has an iPhone because it comforts her and it keeps her from wriggling out of the shopping cart, screaming at the top of her lungs, running away from me, or melting into a puddle. When we’re at the playground and…
Read MoreDoes He Understand That You Are Pregnant?
‘Does Cooper understand that you are pregnant?’ I get that question all the time. Even more as my pregnancy progresses. My honest answer is I don’t know. I truly don’t. Maybe? Maybe not? In our house we assume competency. Cooper is a very smart kid. He is always listening. But, this is a tricky topic for him too. We talk about it every day. We include him in conversation the best we can. We point to my tummy. We are even going to buy a baby doll and start practicing.…
Read MoreMy Son, In the Moments You are Still
This morning I watched you sleeping. On a mattress. On the floor. Next to my bed. You were still. There was no sound. No silly songs blaring. No grunts or squeals coming from you. Just breathing. You were not moving. Your arms were not flapping. You were not running or rolling. You looked like an angel. Your body and mind were content. Seeing you still and peaceful Cooper is the most beautiful thing ever. The fact that you are near us at night is very new in our world too.…
Read MoreMama, I Don’t Want my Baby Brother to Have Autism
On Sundays we eat dinner at Jamie’s parents. Often, this is our only trip outside of our house as a family. We treasure it. We look forward to it. They only live 10 minutes or so away but sometimes the trips can feel like an eternity. I of course was sitting in the backseat with both boys. On trips longer than a few minutes, I often sit between them. One of Cooper’s biggest struggles is still vehicle safety. When he gets anxious, or his Kindle stops working to his liking,…
Read MoreIt’s About So Much More Than Fireworks
It’s not about watching the fireworks. Or seeing children run around with sparklers. It’s not about the parades. Or eating the hotdogs and potato salad. It’s not about going camping. Because let’s be honest about how much work that really is for parents. It’s not about sitting at the beach. Or riding your bike around the neighborhood. It’s about so much more than those activities. It’s not about parents that are complaining about missing an event. Because I’ve heard that. I’ve read the comments from people outside the world of…
Read MoreDreading Church
I dread going to church. I have not always felt this way. I was a born and raised a church girl. My childhood was delightfully filled with potlucks and pews. I loved church. I grew up and married a man who also loved church. We had two babies and took them to church. When our first daughter, Alaina was three she was diagnosed with autism. We sat in the office of the psychologist on a Wednesday. Our known world was falling apart, but we discovered that church was still there.…
Read MoreI Will Give You The World Kid
For the first five years of my son’s life, he never asked me for anything. No birthday presents. No trips to Lego Land. No demanding things in the Target checkout line. Some of you with children may think I am lucky. I don’t look at it that way. Until you live it, you can never truly understand either. For the first few years of Cooper’s life, he really never asked for anything. He never told us when he was hungry. He never asked for a drink. He never told us…
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