Posts Tagged ‘Special Needs Parenting’
What Is Versus What Should Have Been
There is an emotion that lives inside me now that I can’t really describe. It’s a mix of heartache, anxiety, helplessness and a feeling of being overwhelmed. There is actually a term for it. It’s called “Chronic Sorrow”. I feel sometimes like I live a double life. One with my older girls and friends being myself and another in this adaptive world we have created for our daughter Isla. Even when I am away from autism…I still feel like I live it. There is no escape and I have changed. I…
Read MoreIt’s Going to be Okay, Because You Will Make it Okay
I often get overwhelmed by life. Parenting, working, surviving, money, winter, whatever. You name it. I’m human. But typically, the worries I carry around life have answers that I can see. I may not always be able to do them or fix the problem but I do know what I ‘should’ do. I don’t always feel like that with my son’s autism. I feel like the questions are more confusing. They are harder. They are unique. I often feel like the questions and concerns live in the grey area. It’s…
Read MoreMaking the Brave Choices
In the very early days of Mark’s autism diagnosis, I found myself in a little, darkened observation room, perched in front of a two-way mirror watching Mark during his special group speech program alongside other parents, who I would learn later were at the exact same spot on their journey. One of these parents has become a dear friend of mine, and as she put it when we first began chatting, she had unpacked her bags in the land of grief. She grieved what could have, should have, and what…
Read MoreI Have Hope But My Heart Still Hurts
My baby girl’s body is changing. At 9 years old I can see the beginnings of the tell tale signs of puberty. I am really hoping it will be a long way off as I am not ready for all that comes with that yet. Isla still needs a lot of help with toileting and is still in a night nappy so I do not want this to happen any time soon. My heart hurts. She is growing taller and her last year’s clothes do not fit. She has gone…
Read MoreTo The Person Who Saved Me
I want to take you back a year ago. To a different me. When it was a much darker time. Where I was the mom who is spending more days crying than not. A mom who felt hopeless. Who looked at her son, and wanted to do everything within herself to help him, but didn’t know how. Who didn’t want to anything, anymore. A person who was depressed. I typed in the google search, ‘therapists near me.’ So many options came up. I’d look their profiles over, and they all…
Read MoreBrother, Wanna Help Me Build A Fort?
A new thing is happening at our house. Sawyer wants Cooper to ‘help’ him with his antics. Fort building, trying to convince mom and dad to go to a pool, late night ice cream runs. It’s pretty cute. ‘Cooper!! Wanna help me build a fort? Yes or no? Yes? Come on Cooper. Come on. Mom said it’s ok!’ And off they run. Cooper has no idea what he’s agreeing too either. But he doesn’t care. My heart melts. Just the sound of Sawyer saying Cooper’s name in a sentence. It’s…
Read MoreEverything I Wish I Could Say…
As autism awareness month continues, I’m flooded with so many thoughts and emotions. Our son was diagnosed almost three years ago and this journey has been life changing. I love my beautiful son Maddux. He is the center of our world. But, I hate autism a lot of days and what it steals from our family. I grieve the life our son would be living when I see other young boys his age. It kills me inside and is something I will always struggle with. Most days I’m brave and…
Read MoreWhen the Reason is Autism
On November of 2014, the most beautiful baby boy came into our lives. As most new parents, we were completely overjoyed and thought he was absolutely perfect. Jackson was such a happy baby, and I remember how people used to comment on how expressive he was. As Jackson grew, he continued to hit all the milestones of a typical growing infant and soon, toddler. Rolling over? Check. Crawling? Check. Walking? Check. First words? Nothing. I recall around age two when I started to get a little suspicious about why my…
Read MoreWhat Autism is to Me
It’s almost April, and the world will be lighting up blue for autism awareness. I saw posts about autism before I had Austin. I saw friends changing their porch lights. I saw it, but I really couldn’t relate. I hadn’t experienced autism. Autism was something other people’s kids had. Fast forward a few years, and our lives revolve around autism. I read and research about it.I analyze and obsess over whether we’re doing enough for Austin, or whether we’re doing too much. Autism has taken over our lives in many…
Read MoreThis Is Our Autism Too
A video has been showing up in my news feed lately. It was produced by a group called Born Different. As I scrolled the video began to auto play. The caption caught my eye. ‘These twins with severe autism were forced to stay in a prison-like home surrounded by chicken wire fence. Rather than give up, their parents persevered to improve their behavior.’ I paused for a moment. A video about severe autism. A video about my world. A video that shows behaviors and our realities. The realities I lovingly…
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