The Silent Moments And The Loudest Thoughts

In horror movies, the silence often lets us know something bad is about to happen. We tense our bodies, pull the covers up in preparation, and anticipate the worst. We do the same in special needs parenting, or in my case, being the mother of a nonverbal autistic son.  Sometimes I feel like there is so much silence that it could consume me whole. It’s not just the moments when I look into my beautiful son’s eyes and try with every cell in my body to will him to say…

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Silence and Chaos

April is Autism Awareness Month. If you’re in my circle, I imagine you’re pretty aware of autism. We live and breathe autism. My son Michael has always been loud. He’s always made his presence known. He’s larger than life. I dare you not to smile when he signs “more tickles, please”. As anyone who has ever met him will tell you, it is impossible not to fall in love with him. I know as his mom, I’m biased, but he’s the cutest 3 year old in existence. The thing that…

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The Fear of Silence

This morning I listened to a sermon about silence. How in today’s world it is hard to find. And how most people say they want more silence, but when they get it, they fear it. They can’t take it. It’s too quiet. I sat there listening, bouncing my baby on my knee, and thought about how I was probably the only person in the room that knows the silence of an eight year old boy. Of a nonverbal boy. And how loud it can truly be. How your brain can…

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The Silence Can Be Deafening

There are times when the silence is deafening. When the lack of speech and two-way conversation fills up a car so loudly you feel like screaming. Seven years. Almost eight. Think of all the conversations we should have had. All the questions he should have asked me. I should know his favorite color. And animal. He should be talking my ear off. And asking me nonstop questions. It should be one more drink of water before bed. Or one more story. I should be praying for quiet. For just one…

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