The Silence Can Be Deafening

There are times when the silence is deafening. When the lack of speech and two-way conversation fills up a car so loudly you feel like crying.

I remember picking up my beautiful boy from daycare and watching all the other two and three year olds run to their parents, arms up, showing off art projects and talking about their day. I’d gather my kid out of the sandbox, or the grass, or wherever he’d isolated himself too, hold my breath that the report wasn’t too terrible and drive home in silence.

Sometimes I’d cry. Sometimes I’d imagine what it would be like if he spoke to me. Mostly I’d be thankful for the radio. In those moments I’d pray for speech. I’d pray for any words.

And then Sawyer was here and talking and car rides were filled with conversations of dinosaurs, Nerf Guns and baseball. I answered never ending questions. I laughed at the silliest questions. I wished he’d stop talking for one second so I could think. And almost over night the silence wasn’t there anymore.

But some days, like today, I get a solo trip with Cooper to Dairy Queen and the line for the drive thru takes 20 minutes. I found myself studying my seven year old and remembering those never ending silent trips to and from daycare and school. And thinking about all the things I’d give to just hear one word.

I’d give pretty much anything for just one question. To have just one conversation. To hear his voice. Have him talk my ear off. To not wonder if it’s going to be this way forever.

The silence is deafening at times. Especially the older he gets.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.

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Finding Cooper's Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you're never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village....all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to my page!

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When my son was first diagnosed with autism no one was talking about it. Autism was hidden. I vow to change that.
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