Learning to Lean Into the Fear

Sometimes I will be sitting in my living room, watching my son, and all of a sudden feel fear. It will come out of nowhere almost consuming my thoughts. Paralyzing me. I’ll see a flash of the future. A glimpse twenty years from now. It’s not fear of the diagnosis. Or the label. Not anymore. It’s not fear of being different or standing out. Nope, we embrace that here. And it’s not fear of paving our own path. Because there is beauty in achieving milestones and goals at a different…

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Falling in Love with Reality

To the boy that grew only in my heart, I still think about you sometimes. Not as often as I did in the beginning. But sometimes when things get lonely and dark you wander into my mind. You stand there smiling at me. Sometimes you talk to me and tell me all the things you love. Sometimes you show me your favorite toys. Sometimes you teach your little brother things and I watch him look up to you in awe as you take care of him. Sometimes you play with…

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Include Us, Too

When you talk about your children and how you are feeling relieved because they just met their milestone after all. When you talk about how, “easy” your new baby is and how great of a big sister their sibling is. When you gossip about so-and-so whose son might be delayed. When you talk about those things knowing that I have a disabled child… Right in front of me…. As if I do not exist… As if my child does not exist… You NEVER ask about her. None of you. When…

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