Posts Tagged ‘mom’
Reminding Myself to Breathe
It’s been so long since I have expressed my deepest feelings on paper. Maybe it is the hectic environment in which I live, maybe it’s the denial that splashes my mind every morning, or the guilt that is seeded deep within me. Uncertainty is my demon that gnaws away at my confidence to parent the way I need to. It is difficult to grasp the concept of my everyday jealousy of ‘normal parents with normal children.’ Our life is anything but. Some days my life consists of washing smeared feces…
Read MoreMy Message to the Moms who Admit It’s Hard
I think moms are amazing. My mom. Your mom. Moms of 1 kid. Moms of 5 kids. Moms of adult kids. Moms of babies. Working moms. Stay-at-home moms. Breastfeeding moms. Formula feeding moms. Moms of angel babies. And especially moms of kids with special needs. They are my moms. My people. I read something recently that said moms of kids with autism should quit whining. And complaining. That they signed up for ‘this’ when they got pregnant. Responses varied from anger to outrage to ‘walk a day in my shoes.’…
Read MoreThis is Not What I Expected Either
“He’s 6 years old, he should be able to walk the block without complaining or flopping.” “Trick-or-treating should be fun, not stressful.” “We should be able to walk through Target together and not have to put him in a too-small cart so he doesn’t get away from us” “Field trips should be such a fun day away from school….” These thoughts either go through my mind or they cross my lips far too often. Combine our lack of child rearing experience (prior to E), our expectations, our own childhood experiences,…
Read MoreFellow Mom, I will Pray for your Peace
I’ve prayed for peace a lot. When you have anxiety, you learn how to manage it and be more calm. Prayer is my favorite and most regularly used tool. If you’re a mom of a child with autism, I will pray for your peace too. When I pray, I usually spend a lot of time in gratitude. It’s hard to worry about anything when you are being thankful for the present. If you’re in conflict with anything or anyone, you can’t be at peace. Anger is not a peaceful place…
Read MoreWill I be Sad Forever?
Dear Kate, I’m writing you because I don’t know who else to say this too. It’s late. 2 am actually. Everyone is sleeping. Although I know my son will be up in a hour. I should be sleeping. But I can’t. My son was diagnosed today with autism. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. I mean, I knew. We all knew. He has no words. He doesn’t even try to communicate. I overhead one of the aides in his preschool say she has never met a boy quite so autistic.…
Read MoreI’m Letting the Guilt Hold me Back
The days are long but full of so much joy. We spend every waking moment devoted to our kids and a lot of sleepless night when our brains won’t let us sleep. We IEP, we advocate and we constantly search for services. We clean up the same hoard piles 19 times a day, we do therapy and we handle meltdowns like a champ. We get so busy just living with Autism that we forget to live. We forget to take care of ourselves. The guilt that comes with taking time…
Read MoreA Letter to my Former Self, the NICU Mom
Hey Lady! It’s me…You! Weird I know, but listen up Buttercup because I have some important things to tell you. You’re leaving the NICU today after the longest 143 days of your life, but you already know this might not be the end of the ‘hospital life,’ and you’re right. I’m going to let you in on a little secret though…Carter will be physically okay! You’ll have some bumps in the road but nothing as major as the surgeries he endured in the NICU. I promise. You’ll find the perfect…
Read MoreA Different Kind of Tired
I don’t feel this way all the time. But some days I get in my feelings. I go to my dark place, and I vent to myself. Yes, to myself. We all do it. I let myself go here and then I pull it together. I gather myself, my feelings and keep moving forward. My moments go something like this… I’m tired of being tired! I am tired of feeling bad for being tired. Tired of the weight. Tired of scheduling everything. Tired of making decisions. Tired of not getting…
Read MoreThe Lucky Mom
While walking through the grocery store, I recognized a mother and her daughter, about 10 years old, chatting and shopping together. I knew the mother years ago when her oldest daughter, now 19, was friends with my oldest daughter. They met in first grade and became instant friends. A few years passed and this mother and I were pregnant at the same time. We both had baby girls just a few months apart. I remember my oldest commenting about how the two baby girls would naturally play together someday. This…
Read MoreAn Autism Mom out in the Wild
I’m off on my first trip without my son. I ordered everything from Amazon as I can’t shop in stores with him. I ordered all the groceries for the weekend so they won’t have to go out. I feel like I’m prepared to do this first trip solo. It’s been 4.5 years….I can do this. Right? Well, I got everything ready and here I sit on the bathroom floor after my son is in bed trying to make my feet not look like something from Jurassic Park. It hit. The reality…
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