Posts Tagged ‘mama’
Today, I Failed
Today, I failed you. I yelled. You cried. I cried. As we were doing our normal morning routine, fighting about putting your jeans on, I was already anxious. Worried about how school drop offs would be, worried if you were going to get upset as I walked down the hall to leave the school… all the normal morning anxiety. After the jeans debacle, you were finally dressed. Not without a little negotiation, of course. “First jeans, then bunny socks!” Harper has some socks with a bunny on the side… he is…
Read MoreTo the Mama who Wonders Why
I’m giving you this baby. He won’t be like the other ones. Maybe you’ll know from day one. Maybe it will take time. But eventually, you come to realize that something is different. It’s going to be hard at first. Not the love part. That part will be easy. But the fight to figure out what and why. That part will leave you depleted in a way that feels almost impossible to explain. You will be pushed to your limits. You are going to question everything you’ve ever done and…
Read MoreI am One Lucky Mama
A few days ago I had an ITP meeting for Cooper at his ABA Center. We talked about behaviors, evaluations, speech, and goals. We talked about how great Cooper is doing. His overall behaviors are down but the duration is up. We talked about holds, and kicking, how his favorite thing to work for his colored paper, and how his SDQ and CASII scores have improved. We chatted about emotional problems, hyperactivity, peer problems and so on. These meetings are required for him to maintain services. They are important. They…
Read MoreI’m Sorry It Took So Long to Learn to be Your Mama
As I write this post you are sound asleep. You are curled up in the fetal position and breathing softly. Although you are now 10 years old, as I gaze down at you, you are still my baby. It seems like yesterday that I first held you in my arms. Tonight, before you fell asleep, you pulled me close for an ‘eye hug’. You nuzzled your right arm under my left shoulder and then pulled my face right in front of yours with your left hand. When our faces met,…
Read MoreI See You Momma
I see you, momma, giving your all. Staying up into the wee hours, researching symptoms and indicators, both hoping and dreading a possible diagnosis. I see you, all alone, as your mommy gut screams something is wrong, to the disbelief of your husband and family…listing all the “absences” and “lack” of symptoms, hoping the silent missing parts will prove to others there is, indeed, a problem. I see the world you’re living in. Where bell curves taunt and intimidate and are rendered useless for you. Where, diagnosis or no diagnosis,…
Read More