Posts Tagged ‘guilt’
What if it was Me?
For me, my darkest secret is that I feel, and sometimes it feels like I know, that I caused my son’s autism. And his struggles. It breaks my heart. And the guilt chases me day and night. It all started when I read an article about how trauma as a child could cause autism. The mothers were described as ‘refrigerator mums’ and if I’m honest that was me. My eldest two children were, and are neurotypical, thriving, chatty, oh, so chatty girls. My son is nonverbal, epileptic, low functioning autistic…
Read MoreI’m Letting the Guilt Hold me Back
The days are long but full of so much joy. We spend every waking moment devoted to our kids and a lot of sleepless night when our brains won’t let us sleep. We IEP, we advocate and we constantly search for services. We clean up the same hoard piles 19 times a day, we do therapy and we handle meltdowns like a champ. We get so busy just living with Autism that we forget to live. We forget to take care of ourselves. The guilt that comes with taking time…
Read MorePlease Stop Blaming Yourself
As a therapist who primarily works with special needs children and their families, I often hear the same statement over and over again by distraught parents: “It’s my fault. I caused my child’s disabilities, etc.,.” Each and every time I hear this statement, a part of me cringes inside while the other part of me wants to jump up and give this perplexed parent the biggest hug of their lives. I also want to shout right back to them the answer that maybe they’re not ready to hear: “No, you…
Read MoreThe Child Before the Diagnosis
We were standing on our patio and a plane flew close above us. It was loud and very easy to spot. “Look guys, a plane!” My 20 month old son followed my finger and he pointed too and smiled, “Ah, plann,” he said. I smiled with him. It looked nice against the crisp sky with everything around us covered in snow. I looked over at my daughter who had her back to us and was smiling too. She was still looking opposite us into the sky searching for a plane.…
Read MoreWhat it Stole From Us
I stand in the shower and let the scalding hot water burn my skin. The first quiet moments of day. I take a deep breath. And let it out slowly. I give myself the grace to feel and think about what it stole from us. The grace every parent should give themselves every now and then. Of course we shouldn’t dwell there. But it’s okay to visit now and then when it is warranted. Especially on days like Christmas. And birthdays. And other milestones. As the water burns my back,…
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