Posts Tagged ‘autism’
H-O-M-E
Cooper has been living his best life and getting spoiled at his grandparents for a few nights. Three sleeps to be exact. I FaceTimed a dozen times but talking on the phone isn’t his jam. He’s a man of few words. On day one and two he didn’t think twice about his brothers and parents. He was too busy. But on day three, he started asking for m-o-m and h-o-m-e. I guess every five minutes around the clock according to grandma. When he got home today he gave me the…
Read MoreBecoming the Mom I Silently Judged
There’s a story I’ve been wanting to tell for awhile, but it’s hidden in shame. The shame is a silent one, as most are. We often hide our dark thoughts because shining a light on them would mean shining a light on all the things we silently do or say or think that reminds us that as humans we are flawed. That’s the thing about shame, in our minds it outweighs our goodness. Even when the scales tip in favor of our goodness, the bricks of judgement and self righteousness…
Read MoreThe Side I Don’t Share
This is a mom on the verge. A mom completely out of patience, and it’s nowhere near noon, on Halloween, in a pandemic…so the magic is up to me – a mom who does NOT have the energy needed to make today memorable. I’ll somehow muster little sparks, because I always do, because I have to, because if I don’t, the darkness will swallow me whole. I’m not allowed to say how freaking hard it is to be a mother to an autistic 4 year old. Because it’s up to…
Read MoreAre You Aware?
Autism awareness needs to change. People need to understand what awareness is all about. It’s NOT looking at a kid who has autism and treating them like they’re neurotypical. It’s NOT saying, “oh, I’m sure that’s hard for any kid” when a parent says what they’re struggling with. You seeing my daughter’s autism and ignoring it is NOT awareness and acceptance. Be aware of the differences. Be aware of the struggles. We know you see the meltdowns and the rigid routine. We know you see that she’s not quite like…
Read MoreThe Aftermath of an Autism Dignosis
“Mommy, wake up. I love you,” I hear Rhys’s raspy little voice say into the darkness as he holds my face in his hands. It’s before 6am and that champagne from last night is now wreaking havoc on my head. But I open my eyes and pop up to greet Rhys, fueled by this new milestone we’ve reached: saying “I love you.” Both proactively and in the appropriate context. Sure, as parents we all get melty when our children say “I love you.” But when Rhys says it, it’s magic.…
Read MoreDiagnosis Day
I know you are hurting. I know you are worried. I know your whole body is trembling, and clammy with sweat. I know, because I once heard the very words you heard today. Yes, it is Autism Spectrum Disorder. I heard them fifteen years ago, when I was a New Autism Mama. Now, I am an Old Autism Mama. Take a deep breath. Just breathe. It is a diagnosis, that’s all. Yes, it is life-changing. Yes, it is official, and important. It is also momentum, and possibility, and a chance…
Read MoreThe Shore
Being a special needs parent sometimes feels like being dropped in the middle of a turbulent ocean while a storm rages on. My family and I have been thrown in and are desperately trying to make it to shore. The shore is the promised land. It’s what we’ve always dreamed of. We should have never fallen into the ocean, we weren’t prepared for this. I don’t even know how to swim. Surely this must be some sort of mistake. But I keep telling myself that once we get to the…
Read MoreWishing On Stars
I’m trying not to obsess over signs that my daughter, Evie, is on the way to finding her own words. Not scripting, echoing or repeating; I mean her own feelings, her own thoughts, expressed in her own words. She’ll be five in November, and despite being a chatter box of sorts, she’s considered nonverbal. She isn’t able to communicate verbally outside of our home, with people who don’t know her like we do. Evie told me she loved me the month before last. Can you imagine my shock? Part of…
Read MoreI Blamed Myself For My Son’s Autism
When I found out I was going to be a father, I was beyond excited. My wife and I had been trying to conceive for years before she got pregnant. So when she told me I was going to be a father, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! I made sure to call my wife everyday at work to make sure she ate lunch… I’m sure I annoyed the heck out of her. When we found out that we were having a boy, we started to plan everything.…
Read MoreA Letter Meant to Quiet an Already Silenced Child
The weather outside is glorious. So you capitalize on it and pop out to get some fresh air with your child. Outdoors is their happy place. The place where they can be free to run, and play, and holler, and giggle. The place where volume isn’t a factor, and you’ve not a care in the world. You can just “be”. For many individuals with Autism, just like our five year-old son Beckett, outdoors is a safe space. And one of the only true places that we get to witness the…
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