Sawyer, You are the Best Brother

Dear Sawyer, You are eight and I am writing down the stories I want to share with you when you are a grown man. So you know about our secret world. Last night I went to your bedroom to tuck you in but you weren’t there. So, I made my way to your older brother Cooper’s room and saw you holding him. It brought tears to my eyes. The protective way you were holding him was beautiful. He’s been driving you bonkers lately. He has this desire to be near…

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Dora

Let me show you the beauty of my son’s world. And how my perspective has greatly changed over the years. A few days ago, Cooper, who is 10, began showing me a still frame of Dora the Explorer on his iPad. Dora happened to be wearing a purple pirate outfit. She was with her crew on a boat. They were making their way to Mermaid Rock. He has showed me Dora and her purple outfit at least a hundred times. Cooper also happens to be nonverbal. Meaning, he can’t necessarily…

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His Magical World

One of the things I hear the most often from parents of newly diagnosed children is…I can’t figure out how to get my child to play with me. Or, I can’t find an activity for us to do together. This is coming from moms and dads who are trying so hard. They are desperate to get inside. But they don’t know how. Not yet anyways. Boy does that resonate with me. I was that mom years ago. My son wouldn’t play with me. In fact, he didn’t play at all.…

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He is Home to Me

My middle son has been having some big feelings lately. He is 8 years old and sandwiched in between two very big personalities. I think sometimes it can be lonely to be the easy one. His dad and I are working for hard to make sure he knows how magnificent and treasured he is. Last night a movie on the couch with popcorn and tickles. This morning a doughnut date, just the two of us. And lots of conversation. Which is the best part in my opinion. I love hearing…

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As Your Mum, I am Learning your Language

Sometimes I look at you in apprehension… I realize I am a foreign object…a lost immigrant to a new country in your presence. I look at where you look…to that corner where the sun hits…and I don’t see what you see. I do not hear what you hear and I only feel what I feel which sitting next to you can feel like so very little. It used to bother me, scare me and now I eat my croissant curiously searching for the light you are swimming in. In your…

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Feeding the Soul

We got outside this evening and it was amazing! Of all the settings that my boys have been in together, outside is always the best for them. No technology to distract. Just sticks. Big sticks. And rocks. And mud. Really cool leaves. And scratchy bark. Toads. Squirrels. And BUGS!! And we just walk. At our own pace. No pressure. Cooper loves throwing things into the woods. He loves the sounds that come. Crashes and bashes. And his brothers love helping him find the biggest sticks to throw. There is just…

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The Right Amount of Hope

I’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately. And the right amount to have. Which is a funny thing to think about really. Because, how can one have the wrong amount of hope? My son has autism. He is autistic. And that means his life will follow a different path than most. It means he has lots of unknowns. And parts that are hard for him. He has been robbed of a lot of the big things too. The ones that most parents take for granted for their children. And…

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They Walk

See these two boys? They are brothers. One is 10 and one is 8. They both have birthdays coming up and at least once a day I hear… ‘First Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Cooper’s birthday and then mine!’ This family loves their birthdays. This photo may look like no big deal and when I snapped it, as the little brother walked his older brother into his first day of school this year, I remember pausing and thinking…this is it. This is what I prayed for. Every day. While driving. In…

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You are Welcome Here

You are welcome here. I see so many posts online telling parents how to feel about their child’s diagnosis. Some tell them to only see the positive. To celebrate every part of it. Some shame them for saying they are scared. Or hard. Or that they are worried. Some tell them they are awful parents. Some ridicule them for thinking a certain way. Some act self riotous because they didn’t shed a tear when their child was diagnosed. And they shame anyone who did. I read those posts and they…

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Some Days I Want More

Some days I want more. Hi there. My name is Kate. I am a mother to four children. I share that because my life is full. Fuller than full. There is very little quiet. There is never a day without laundry. And I get no less than a hundred hugs a day. I am an expert in putting bandaids on owies, blowing on mac and cheese, and finding blankets before bed. Skills I never knew would be so important and vital to life. My first born, Cooper, is ten. He…

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