The Best Big Brother

My son Xander has always been an amazing kid, above average in every way, but he goes above and beyond as a big brother. He wanted a little sister more than anything. He actually asked Santa! When we told him we were pregnant he was over the moon. He wanted a book that took him week by week thru the pregnancy and he read it more than once. He helped choose her name, he picked clothes and helped us set up her nursery. My favorite memory is at night he…

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The Box of Kleenex on the Table

On the 24th of August, my husband and I sat hand in hand to finish a year long diagnostic journey to understand why our son Romeo lives in such silence. I could feel Gerardo’s fingers stroke my knuckles as the words spilled from the specialists mouth. As they sat and explained therapies, research, support groups…my mind wandered to the Kleenex box on the table. My child wasn’t sick, his life wasn’t in danger and the world didn’t stop turning. Romeo didn’t stop being Romeo. We just had a name for…

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Please Allow Me to Feel the Hard Parts

Mother’s day has always been hard for me. Growing up with a single dad and a mother who was not a part of my life, (and when she was, caused a lot of heartache, confusion, and chaos) I always hated Mother’s Day. I have had some amazing women in my life step up and try to help take the place of an absent mother, but I’ll be honest and say that nothing ever fills that void. I thought becoming a mother would help though. I wanted nothing more than to…

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That Day was the Beginning of Me

My oldest son was diagnosed with ADHD at 4 years old, which I jokingly (well sort of) say he got from his mother. We are both high strung, multi-tasking, over analyzing, high functioning anxiety stricken people. He was challenging as teachers put it but I totally got him. It was not a challenge in that I felt like I was looking in the mirror at myself and I could totally relate. My youngest son began having issues very early on but not in the typical autistic way. And it was…

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Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget that my daughter has autism. This may sound strange because of all the private therapies we do, the targeted activities at home to encourage her development, her specialized preschool, and more. It is as if our whole world revolves around autism, and yet the autism fades because all we see is our daughter. Sometimes I Forget She is Behind Ruby has been doing so well with her school and therapies. Just in the last 9 months she has made tremendous growth. She went from saying 1-2 word…

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I was the Gloom and Doom Mom

Yesterday, I celebrated my eighth Mother’s Day. I’m not sure how that is possible but I did the math and it is indeed right. I have three boys. Each delightfully amazing in their own way. Cooper is 8. He is the happiest boy you will ever meet. He has taught me more about life than anyone or anything else. He is my shadow. I am his person and he is mine. I have Sawyer who is 6. He is incredible and pushes me to my limits daily. He is smart,…

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Evolution of a Special Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day – A special day of reverence. A day where many of us focus our love and efforts on showing our moms, grandmothers, and mother figures just how much we love them, and how much we appreciate all that they do for us. For others, Mother’s Day is a day to mourn a loss, and reminisce about pleasant memories of the past. When someone mentions Mother’s Day to me, my immediate mental image recall is of a specific photo on a particular mother’s day when the kids were little…

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Just Another Day to Autism

Mother’s Day… Oddly, each year it only gets harder. I knew my first Mother’s Day that something wasn’t quite right. I knew it deep in my gut—or should I say soul? I had dreamed of being a Mother and I had a vision of how it would be with my child. Now I see those visions—my visions—through others on Social Media. As a special needs parent, we miss out on so much. It seems to be the most typical things most take for granted that hurt the most. To be…

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My Most Precious Moment

It’s been 525,600 minutes since we last celebrated Mother’s Day. Has your child progressed as far as you hoped he would? Has he reached the goals you set for him? For those who have…congratulations! For those who haven’t, know that you are not alone. I remember a year when my daughter, Lizzie, came nowhere near reaching the goals I had set for her. Lizzie was diagnosed with autism days after her second birthday. She had every red flag…no functional language, no joint attention, no ability to communicate, and no awareness…

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The Right Amount of Hope

I’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately. And the right amount to have. Which is a funny thing to think about really. Because, how can one have the wrong amount of hope? My son has autism. And somehow, no matter where I am on the ‘hope for his future’ spectrum, I seem to have the wrong amount for some people. If I hope for words, I am told I should really be hoping for communication. If I hope for independent living, I am told that I’m not accepting reality.…

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