Here is Me

Here is me. I am Jack. Here is me, and here is my autism. See, I am a boy and a diagnosis tangled together like so many vines climbing a tree. I am the rustle of paperwork, and small white pills in a vial. I am honesty, and tenacity, and a body in motion. I am a boy trying to hide. I am downcast eyes. And a hopeful heart. I am repetitive behavior. And special meetings in an overheated conference room. I am letters on paper—a statistic., a number, a…

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There is Always Next Year

There is always next year… At age two we went to a restaurant for the last time. We started early intervention and learned how different our son was from his peers. At age three he was diagnosed with autism and we were told all the things he would never do. At age four we locked our house down. Three locks on every single door. Window alarms. Fences. We realized we couldn’t go places outside of our home. We started having aggressions and self injuring behavior. At age five it got…

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Hope is a Funny Thing

Hope is a funny thing. It ebbs and flows. It even changes over the years. When I found out I was pregnant for the second time I hoped I wouldn’t miscarry. I hoped for a happy, healthy, ‘like every other kid I knew’, baby. I secretly hoped for a girl too. When I found out I was having a boy at 20 weeks, and that we would name him Cooper, I hoped for baseball games, camping, swimming, biking and fishing. I hoped for endless conversations and a beautiful family. I…

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When Family Isn’t Best

It’s been a year. A whole year. My son, Tucker, and I just got back home from his open heart surgery. My daughter, Hazel, was in the throes of her worst regression to date. And my husband Sam, and I just decided to move to Texas for a new job; more or less on a whim. That was the day I found out that Hazel had been hurt.  Sam left early from the hospital, we just couldn’t afford for him to stay in Rochester with us, and Hazel needed her…

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Love Needs No Words

If you’ve followed this page for any period of time, you know my son loves photos. Photos of Jamie and I when we were young. Party photos. Baby photos. Me as a freshman in college dressed up as a naughty nurse for Halloween. His dad taking a shot out of a beer bong made out of a plastic penguin named Petie. Our friends too. Old and new. He loves really happy photos. Carefree people. Letting loose. He hunts around the house for them. Digs in Rubbermaid tubs in the basement.…

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You Taught Me About Autism

I got the following email this morning. To all the parents who wonder if they are making a difference by advocating for their children…here ya go. Hello Dear Kate, I have been watching your videos for years now. Ever since I started this Facebook. I am an old lady. Almost 70 years old. My children are grown. My grandchildren are grown. I live in a small town in the middle of America that no one has ever heard of. I have never met an autistic person. Honestly, I didn’t even…

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Baby Harbor

This is baby Harbor. The third baby. The third boy. The third little thief of sleep and sanity. He will be 16 months in just a few days. He is walking, talking, eating with a fork, playing hockey and incredibly curious. Of all three of my boys, he is the busiest. He wants to know how things work. Like the toilet. And Kleenex boxes. And mud puddles. He is also a terrible sleeper. And sick a lot. And he has the best hair. Like ever. Think Garth from Wayne’s World.…

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I Have to Grow Up Mama

Last night my seven year old had a hockey play date at the neighbor’s house. He hit pucks and went wild and skated while the snow fell down. I know because I saw a Snapchat that his father sent me. I was home with Cooper and the baby playing puzzles and cars and arguing about snacks and the volume of an iPad. As 9 pm approached, I started the bedtime process with two of my boys. Cooper immediately pointed to the front door and said, ‘SSSSAAAAWWWWEEEERRR.’ I told him little…

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The Importance of Grace as a Special Needs Parent

I talk a lot about grace on this page. A word that honestly didn’t mean all that much to me before this journey. But now, well, grace is everything. Because as parents, we can be way too hard on ourselves. When I speak to parents of newly diagnosed kids, and parents of kids diagnosed long before autism was a common word, they all tell me similar stories. Every single parent. They tell me about the things they didn’t know. They didn’t know that their child was in pain. Or they…

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When the Birthday Invites Stop

Every time I see a mama happy and hopeful because their kid was invited to a birthday party it floods me with memories. And I want to tell them to enjoy them now because the invitations will stop. Kya was invited to every single birthday party in kindergarten. Birthday parties were incredibly stressful. And I went over the top on her parties. I thought if I made them amazing then maybe the kids would include her. I spent $1500 on her 5th Birthday and that was ridiculous. I realized I…

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