Posts Tagged ‘anxiety in children’
Dear Anxiety
Dear anxiety, You and me need to have a talk. Because this co-existing crap isn’t working anymore. We need to set up some rules. You have been with my son since birth, although, like his autism, we didn’t know until much later. You are a thief. A thief of joy, of calm, of growth. His and ours. I used to think of you as a monster. A loud, huge, lumbering monster coming right at us. Once I learned more about you, I could see you plain as day. You didn’t…
Read MoreI Wish I Could Feel Things the Way You Do
I wish I could feel things the way you do, my sweet boy. I want to understand. I didn’t know sound could physically, deeply hurt until you showed me. I see you fold your precious ears in on themselves, an attempt to mute the overwhelming world. That doesn’t usually work though. So, you quietly, nervously, moan. This slowly grows in intensity and frequency until your shrieking blocks out the unwanted sound or it’s removed. Whichever comes first. I want to explain to others how you feel inside during these moments.…
Read MoreAutism, Anxiety and Lost Time
One of the most unreasonable, exhausting, and heartbreaking sides of autism is anxiety. Sometimes it falls under the ever-broadening umbrella that is Autism Spectrum Disorders, and sometimes you face anxiety as one of many comorbid diagnoses. In our world, anxiety is the fierce sidekick to autism. It’s the root of things like self-injury, aggression, and property destruction. It is also the thief of time. Anxiety is the reason you will not find our family in line for a ride at Disneyland, a photo with Santa, or even a burger and…
Read MoreStronger Than Anxiety
Happy Sunday from this kid. We’ve had an interesting day. He asked me for a train guide from 2007. I told him I’d do my best but reminded him that he was most likely setting me up for failure. He asks me for the most obscure things. He had faith in me though. I know because he asked me well over 100 times. He also asked me to go shopping. And for Amazon. And paper. And Target. When the Amazon van drove by I knew we were in trouble. I…
Read MoreHey You
Psst, hey. Look at me, I’m over here. Come close. I want to tell you something. You won’t win today. To be honest, I haven’t really noticed you in a while. I almost forgot about you. It seemed like the medicine was working and my son Jack was calmer and a little less agitated. Then, just last month, you returned with a vengeance—all ragged cuticles and sleepless nights. Anxiety. You would think I’d be used to you by now—that I could anticipate your next move, and figure out a solution,…
Read MoreThe Many Faces Of Anxiety
In this house anxiety is always present. It is attached to a little boy with blonde hair and hazel eyes. Some days it may hide, not showing on a cute picture, but on most days, it follows him like a shadow, waiting to remind us that it indeed rules. Today, anxiety is one sleep until the train museum. Yesterday, it was two sleeps. A week ago, seven sleeps. Anxiety is the calendar in our kitchen. TRAIN MUSEUM written in big blue letters. We talk about it a hundred times a…
Read MoreAutism and Anxiety
I have the most amazing son. He is 9-years-old. Almost double digits. He loves dancing and holding hands and Steve Harvey. He loves climbing in my bed at 1 am and carrying around 17 sheets of paper, all different colors of course. He smells like the wind. And he can find mud anywhere. He has autism. He is autistic. It is part of him like his blonde hair and ruddy eyes. He was nonverbal until he was 8-years-old. Today, he has 15 or so words. They come and go. He…
Read MoreHer Anxiety and Fourteen Steps
There are fourteen steps leading to the second story bedroom. Fourteen. That doesn’t seem like a huge number, but in our world, it is. My daughter Samantha is a brilliant, happy, loving, and beautiful 13 year old girl who was born with CHARGE Syndrome, and later diagnosed with Autism. She doesn’t speak much, and not many people can understand the words that she uses, but I can. She is not a typical teenage girl, she doesn’t understand make-up, Snap Chat, or why it’s important to have so many friends. She…
Read MoreAn Open Door
What is the measure of success in development? For most it’s acing a test or moving onto the next grade level. In our world, the special needs world, it’s different. Some days it’s simply trying. Or being present. It’s touching a food to your lips or only self injuring 50 times instead of a hundred. It’s waving to people or making a sound to communicate. It’s sleeping past 3 AM or tolerating a haircut. And sometimes, it’s an open door. This door. Our home has felt like a prison for…
Read MoreAt the Crossroads of Anxiety and Acceptance
Today, our son’s anxiety won. I say that because his anxiety is like it’s own force. It’s a thing. It’s always present. Always lurking under the surface. It always wins. It shuts him down and takes over. We were supposed to take our family to a hotel to celebrate Christmas with our extended family. We made the huge, ginormous mistake of telling Cooper three days before. We needed him to try a swimsuit on to make sure it would fit. We messed up. Not him. He couldn’t handle the anticipation.…
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