A memory showed up in my newsfeed today. A really special one that I never want to forget. It read… Today was a really big day in our little world. Huge really. This morning my son Cooper went to his brother’s school to have his school photo taken by Lifetouch. He has never had a school photo taken before. Because he goes to a therapy center. And that’s one of those little things that stings and feels unfair. Because a school photo matters. To me it does. There’s more too……
Someone once told me that my husband and I had a third and fourth children as replacements for our oldest son. See the little one on the right there with the mischievous smile? And the little meatball on Sawyer’s lap? Those two. I assume they wrote that comment to hurt me. Or to remind me what a crappy mom I am. Or maybe they were just angry and miserable. Who knows I guess. What a ridiculous statement though. A replacement child. I’m not sure why we would ever replace Cooper.…
I chatted with a father a while back about his four adult children. One is a doctor. One is a lawyer. One works in finance. A couple of them are married and have given him beautiful grand children. One of them is a world traveler. And the fourth, his youngest, works 4 hours a week at a book store. She has limited speaking and a diagnosis of autism. Like my Cooper. She is adored at her job. She greets people and restocks books. She loves helping. She takes transportation all…
My sweet husband, You and I have never been big Valentine’s people. Or gift givers really. Ever since we had kids we always say we will take a day together and go shopping and buy something for each other but it never happens. There’s never time. And well, this Valentine’s Day feels even less lovey than the others. For starters it feels like we have spent every minute together since last Valentine’s Day. That’s a lot of time together. It’s also -5 degrees outside right now which is making us…
There is a term I like to use. It’s blissfully unaware. It’s a place and feeling rolled into one. Many of us do this at different times in our lives. We live blissfully unaware. For example, I knew nothing of the emotional pain of a miscarriage until I lost my first baby. I knew nothing of the worry that comes with a child that isn’t developing typically until it was my own son. I knew nothing of the cruelness and brutality of cancer until it took my stepmom. I knew…
Watching Cooper watch Wheel of Fortune is one of my favorite past times. I can remember him watching when he was barely 9 months old. He was drawn to the colorful wheel. As he grew, it was the letters. He would clap and cheer and dance and run around the room and give high fives when the contestant guessed the right letter. Now he is 11. And he mimicks every single letter. He may not be able to say them correctly, but he tries. And he mumbles under his breath.…
What if we stopped talking about autism? I think about that sometimes. There will be times, like last night, where I will feel like it’s just too complicated. Maybe, it would be easier to not share. To not advocate. To hide even. ‘There was none of this autism stuff when I was younger!’ That’s a sentence I’ve heard more times than I can count from people. Some well meaning. Genuinely curious about it. And some, well, who think it’s a discipline issue. A bad child. A lazy parent. The thing…
I talk a lot about grace on this page. A word that honestly didn’t mean all that much to me before this journey. But now, well, grace is everything. Because as parents, we can be way too hard on ourselves. When I speak to parents of newly diagnosed kids, and parents of kids diagnosed long before autism was a common word, they all tell me similar stories. Every single parent. They tell me about the things they didn’t know. They didn’t know that their child was in pain. Or they…
Every morning I wake up to messages from people. Most are well-meaning. Many are kind. A few are awful. Some are bizarre. And some, tell me how to raise my son. And how I’m doing it wrong. They tell me what I should be doing, how I can do it better, and what I can and cannot say about him. I’ve gathered a list of what I cannot say. I cannot say he has autism. Or is autistic. I can’t say he is nonverbal or nonspeaking. I can’t say he…
This is baby Harbor. The third baby. The third boy. The third little thief of sleep and sanity. He turned 3 years old in October. He is kicking soccer balls, negotiating in full sentences, eating with a fork, playing hockey and incredibly curious. Of all three of my boys, he is the busiest. He wants to know how things work. Like the toilet. And Kleenex boxes. And mud puddles. He has the biggest personality. And he wants to be grown up. With every food he eats he lets me know…
