Friend, parent, partner, even a stranger on Facebook… I have a request for you. It’s going to sound really simple to you. Maybe even silly. But here goes. Please allow me to feel everything when it comes to my child’s diagnosis. Let me feel all the feelings and worry about all the worries, no matter how irrational or ridiculous they sound to you. Please, pretty please, don’t try to silence me. Or rush me along in the process. Please don’t make me feel guilty for feeling or acting a certain…
Before I became a mother I didn’t understand how complicated time could be. You know that old saying…the days are long but the years are short? I’m feeling that right now. The days are so long. Sometimes unbearable. I pray for a second to be a human, without someone climbing on me. But then I wonder how my babies can be 8, 6 and 1 already. How is that possible? I swear I was just in college last year. Most days feel like a blur. Like a race to see…
I’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately. And the right amount to have. Which is a funny thing to think about really. Because, how can one have the wrong amount of hope? My son has autism. And somehow, no matter where I am on the ‘hope for his future’ spectrum, I seem to have the wrong amount for some people. If I hope for words, I am told I should really be hoping for communication. If I hope for independent living, I am told that I’m not accepting reality.…
‘Thanks for coming to my conferences mama.’ Of course buddy. ‘Did you like my owl? They are nocturnal. There is a girl I like. I’m going to ask her on a date on the last day of school. Then if she says no I won’t have to see her for the whole summer.’ That’s seriously genius. But you are too young to date. ‘I’m not doing for very good in reading. I’m trying. I need to stretch the words more. But it’s hard for me.’ You are doing just fine…
You know the saying, “It takes a village.” Well, now I totally get it. Being a Mom is no walk in the park. You are constantly doing for everybody else, and rarely have time for yourself. I went the whole weekend without showering. I even skipped dinner and didn’t realize until I was starving at 10pm. Mom brain is in full force, at all times! So, on the days when I feel like I am at my weakest, and I get a random call from my Mom asking if Harper…
Our husbands (then boyfriends) had known each other for quite a while before we met. It was only a matter of time before we crossed paths. We all ended up carpooling to a wedding together, and after that weekend the rest was history. Our then boyfriends became fiancés. We both got married roughly two months apart, and later that year we both found out we were expecting. What a whirlwind. I should have known the stars had aligned when I met you. We spent the next nine months going to…
Then she said as I was walking away, ‘but how does having a child with special needs make you feel? Deep down?’ I stopped in my tracks. I whipped my head around, almost as if I’d been slapped. ‘Why don’t you come back and share with the group Kate. What are you feeling?’ I just stared at her. This lady. Some nerve. Trying to get to the center of my feelings. Trying to dredge them up. All so we can talk about them. And I can heal. That’s the goal…
Today I volunteered at my daughter’s school in her Kindergarten classroom for their Halloween party. It was a quick visit to drop off cupcakes and help out for a little bit. Of course, the moment I entered the room the school psychologist asked me to visit his office on my way out. But Ally came running over to me with excitement and I tried to forget what awful news they had for me. I helped kids make little ghosts with glue and cotton balls and they all followed directions and…
As I sit here watching you sleep, I keep thinking of the life I had envisioned for us. God it is so different than our life now. I saw football games, school plays and parties. Sleepovers with 3 or 4 wild and crazy boys driving me batty. Pulling spiders and bugs out of your jeans pockets and me freaking out and telling you to take them outside. I saw myself being a den mother because you told me you wanted to be in boy scouts like all of your friends.…
I brought my dog Chloe to the vet tonight. She has an ear infection. I was dreading bringing her. See, a month or so ago I brought my other dog here because he was sick. And he never came home. I’m not over it. Not even close. Now I know to some people dogs are just dogs. But to me, he was my first baby, my constant, and my happiest hello. Putting him to sleep was traumatic for me. And not just the process. For starters I had never done…
