Hope. Gosh I hear that word a lot. Have hope. Never give up hope. All we can do is hope. If we give up hope, than what do we have left.’ In the world of special needs, hope is a hot topic. Hope and I have had a rocky relationship over the last few years. For years I hoped nothing was wrong with my baby. Then I hoped my toddler would catch up. And then I hoped that it was ‘just’ a speech delay. Then I hoped it wasn’t autism.…
I love football. I don’t remember ever not loving football. I can’t tell you when that love started because it has always been part of my life. Growing up, Sundays consisted of going to church, making a great Sunday dinner, getting together with family and watching the Denver Broncos. One of my favorite memories of my Dad is running back and forth throughout the house while he threw me passes. My love for football has grown and changed over the years. Like any dad, I hope that I can share…
The child you have right now is not the child you will have forever. Let that sink in. You can also say the hard that you have now right now is not the hard you will have forever. Years ago, when my son was 4 and 5, and autism was new, we were really struggling. This sweet boy couldn’t communicate. He didn’t feel well. He had anxiety and adhd that seemed to consume him. We couldn’t leave the house. We didn’t sleep. We didn’t stop moving. We quite literally never…
I just left the grocery store. I only had a few things today so opted for the self checkout today. While I scanned my items, I became aware of two young men next to me. I would say they were both in their 20’s. It dawned on me rather quickly that one was helping the other shop for groceries. He was helping him scan each item, slow and meticulously. Talking him through he step. The gentleman being helped was very much enjoying himself. He was laughing and making very happy…
In her own time. Those four words are more important than I can express. I am not sure I can put into words the incredible moment my autistic daughter had yesterday, but I am going to try. Yesterday, Kya asked to “go in the car to the dollar store for Elmer’s glue.” So we headed to the store. While there, she looked at clay but passed on it. We gathered what she wanted and headed to the till. Once there, she said clay, so I decided to let her go…
Dear Son, When I found out I was pregnant with you, I fell in love at first heartbeat. We called you little niblet because in our first ultrasound and picture, you were this little bean, but we heard a strong heartbeat. It was amazing to feel you move and hiccup in my belly. I remember the day dad felt you kick for the first time; we were at the cottage. You knew then it was going to be your happy place. My pregnancy was pretty normal up till the end.…
There is a memory I often share about Mother’s Day. In fact I think it’s even in my book. It impacted me so deeply. So much so that I’m still talking about it 11 years later. My son Cooper is the one who first made me a mom. Today he is 13 years old. He has a diagnosis of severe nonverbal autism. I like to tell the moms and dads of newly diagnosed children that it takes time. Every part. Acceptance. Understanding. Advocacy. It all takes time. Eleven years ago,…
My son, I like to write you these little notes so that one day, when I’m old and gray, and my memory isn’t so good, I can remember you. Your life. And us. You are 13. You are a teenager. When you were diagnosed with autism all those years ago, and the future felt confusing, maybe even a little bit scary, I would wonder what you would be like at this age. Because the teenage years can be interesting. And autism, well it muddles the edges. There are no ‘what…
There have been a lot of ups and downs during this autism life. The highs are so high and the lows are so low. This causes a lot of emotional turmoil within. There have been some really hard times throughout my autistic daughter, Alyssa’s life. The grief period after diagnosis is devastating. The realization that this is the rest of her life. Seeing all the other kids develop and realizing how behind she is, and where she should be, and although that’s not her path, it doesn’t make it any…
I’m struggling. There, I said it. The weird thing is, I don’t know everything I’m struggling with. It seems to be a few things, but the one that I think is at the fore front of it all is loneliness. How can I be lonely? I have a beautiful wife that I see and talk to every night. However, it has been quite some time since we’ve had a date night. We get respite sometimes. It’s just never the same person, and I have trust issues. I have two beautiful…
