I Will Tell You About Our World…

Maybe you follow my page. Or maybe we went to high school together. Maybe you heard about me. Or you are a friend of a friend. Either way, you know I have a son with autism. You know his name is Cooper. And that I talk about all the parts. You’ve heard that I don’t hold back. I am raw. I am honest. I talk about the beautiful parts. And the hard parts. Even the sad parts. I do this because it is my life. And I am not the…

Read More

Include Us, Too

When you talk about your children and how you are feeling relieved because they just met their milestone after all. When you talk about how, “easy” your new baby is and how great of a big sister their sibling is. When you gossip about so-and-so whose son might be delayed. When you talk about those things knowing that I have a disabled child… Right in front of me…. As if I do not exist… As if my child does not exist… You NEVER ask about her. None of you. When…

Read More

Childhood is Not One Size Fits All

“Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you’d have. It’s about understanding he’s exactly the person he is supposed to be. And if you’re lucky, he might be the teacher who turns you into the person you’re supposed to be.” -Joan Ryan I always knew I wanted children from a very young age. And for some reason, I always hoped I’d have a little boy. Well the universe heard my wishes and a little over four years ago we met our beautiful…

Read More

So Life Gave you Lemons…

“When life gives you lemons…make lemonade.” I have heard that saying a lot. It is a sweet saying. People use this saying to make good out of a bad situation or make the best of what they have been given. And it is easier said than done. I am going to give you an example. A couple of summers ago we got to join my entire family for a vacation to St. George, Utah. We were all sharing a home together. 30 of us. It was the best kind of chaos…

Read More

Every Day is Autism Awareness Day

Every year, April 1 begins Autism Awareness Month. April 2nd is Autism Awareness Day, where so many wear blue in support of Autism. I love April because what it does, it places autism in the news and really gets the dialogue about autism out there where it needs to be. I personally love the coverage April brings as a mom to a child with autism. We need to be talking about autism. We need to be changing policies and ensuring these kids get services they need. We need to discuss aging…

Read More

The Fear of Silence

This morning I listened to a sermon about silence. How in today’s world it is hard to find. And how most people say they want more silence, but when they get it, they fear it. They can’t take it. It’s too quiet. I sat there listening, bouncing my baby on my knee, and thought about how I was probably the only person in the room that knows the silence of an eight year old boy. Of a nonverbal boy. And how loud it can truly be. How your brain can…

Read More

A Letter From Your Therapist

It’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t make you a bad parent, you’re not doing anything wrong. No one could have ever prepared you for this: there’s no quick-study guide on parenthood, let alone parenthood for ASD. You’re not supposed to have all the answers right out the gate. It’s okay to have baby steps that take months to achieve. It’s okay to feel like things may never change. It’s okay to have hope that everything will change. It’s okay to feel guilty…for a little while. It’s okay to feel…

Read More

What I Know is Different than How I Feel

I know he was born in 2010 on a cold, icy winter day after what felt like days of pushing. His birth was traumatic. At least that’s how it felt to me. I remember them saying he’s not breathing. I watched them gather around the table. So many hands. All rubbing him. I was waiting for the cry. I kept looking at my doctors face to see if he was panicked. He was an old pro. He’d been doing this for years. He seemed fine. Never sweating. Never appearing frazzled.…

Read More

400 Days of Autism

I remember everything about that day. The strong cologne of the man in the elevator, my shaky hands as I searched for change for the parking station, the salty taste of my tears and the uncontrollable numbness and heartbreak all the way home and still to this day. I had been on a mission for almost 6 months for my son’s autism diagnosis AND even though I had 6 months to prepare it still stung like a slap to the face. It was real and true, and there was no…

Read More

Conversations that Change Us

It was a few years ago. Five years to be exact. Cooper had just been diagnosed. We now had a reason for the behaviors. A reason why he had no words. Why he couldn’t sit still. Why he screamed. Why he refused to sleep and eat. Why Jamie and I were so exhausted. And worried. And scared. We knew why. I had recently told you. Over the phone of course. It was one of our weekly conversations. We talked about the weather first. Then football. My job. And then Jamie.…

Read More