A Letter From Your Therapist

It’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t make you a bad parent, you’re not doing anything wrong.

No one could have ever prepared you for this: there’s no quick-study guide on parenthood, let alone parenthood for ASD.

You’re not supposed to have all the answers right out the gate. It’s okay to have baby steps that take months to achieve.

It’s okay to feel like things may never change. It’s okay to have hope that everything will change.

It’s okay to feel guilty…for a little while. It’s okay to feel like this is your fault, or you should be able to do it on your own.

It’s also more than okay to look back on yourself in a few months and think, “Wow, what a sausage I was, look at how much we’re all grown since then!”

It’s okay to realise you’re not at fault, and that everything you do is always in the best interests for your child.

It’s okay to feel super embarrassed that your child is not sitting and working through table activities like he’s ‘supposed to’.

It’s okay for him not to sit still too…trust me when I say that your therapist planned for this eventuality.

We hold absolutely no judgement and we’re totally cool with rolling around on the floor and jumping around a bit. If I’m honest…it’s a relief to get some blood flowing back into the bottom!

It’s okay that your perfectly planned game has been completely derailed because your child has different ideas. If he wants to drop his toys on the floor or put them in the sink, then that’s the new game!

No one likes the word “No”, young children especially, and children with ASD are no different!

As long as it’s safe, take his lead and enter his world. You will be rewarded for it… even if only in the smallest way.

It’s okay to feel a thrill when he freezes in anticipation for the “Go!” as he listens to you say “Ready… Steady…”

It’s okay that he’s not speaking, because you know he’s there in the heat of the moment with you.

You might even hear a “St-” or a “G-” at just the right moment.

It might happen once, or many times, or not at all. He might only want to do it sometimes… and putting pressure on him to speak will not want him to keep playing his game.

It’s okay to get excited when you see your child stare back at you. That might seem like nothing to everyone else… maybe it doesn’t even seem like a big step forward to you… but oh my days trust me when I say your therapist wants to smile with a grin that could put the Cheshire Cat to shame.

We live for those little wins… nothing is too small for use to celebrate with you.

It’s okay to be honest.

Your therapist gives you a ton of homework? You know your child won’t settle for 15 minutes in the home environment?

You know your other child has basketball practice and dance classes, and friends and Boy Scouts?

And actually… you had every intention of fitting it in but when the time came you were just too exhausted and decided to just stare blankly at the telly, and next week it probably won’t happen either? That’s okay!

You’re a full time parent to a kid with ASD on top of everything else going on in your life.

Tell us, we’re still not judging, and we can find something that works for you.

It’s okay to hate your therapists because you wanted more progress.

It’s okay to question your therapist: we’re all on the same team and everyone needs to understand or be on board so we can provide the best support.

It’s okay to speak up too: no one can advocate better for your child than the person who knows him best – you.

They say ‘when you’ve met one child with Autism, you’ve met one child with Autism’.

That is true even in therapy: We need to learn about your child. We try things out. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t, and if they don’t, we try something else.

It’s not going to be easy, and that’s okay too. We may have lots of knowledge, but you are the experts on what makes your child tick.

It’s okay to question, to challenge, to learn, to teach.

It’s okay to know that you’re working together… even if that takes time to realise. Most of all, it’s okay to strive to be an equal therapy partner with your child’s therapist.

I’d like to think that, by submitting this, I’m trying to open up this dialogue, to give parents the confidence to truly be partners, equals, with their children’s therapists…. because if you do not feel like equals, the battle is already lost.

Written by, Heather, a Pediatric Speech and Language Therapist

Heather is from the United Kingdom who absolutely loves rolling around on the floor and jumping around a bit!

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.