Posts by Kate Swenson
He Said He Can’t Breathe, Mama
Last night, I was glued to the local news, when my son came paddling down the stairs in his pajamas. His hair was crazy messed and his skin tan from the sun already, even though it is still only May. It was 10:17 pm. He should have been sleeping. He knew that. I knew that. But he also knew that there was some sort of flashy light noise thingy keeping him awake. At least that is what he tried to convince me of. I was tired of bedtime negotiations and…
Read MoreIt Started With Hope
My story, like most stories, started with hope. Sixteen years ago, hope welled inside of me like an eternal spring of flowers, butterflies, and sunshine. Hi. My name is Carrie. I have five kids and my second son has autism. His name is Jack. Ever since he was diagnosed nearly sixteen years ago, I hoped for many things. I hoped the doctor was wrong. I hoped he would outgrow it. Mostly, I hoped he would maybe sleep longer than an hour and say the word milk instead of screaming. Over…
Read MoreSomedays, It’s Hard to Find the Joy
“I wish my son was happy all the time like Bubba.” As I read those words, my heart instantly began to race. My stomach started twisting in knots. I’ve heard these words before. And although well intended, I couldn’t help but think to myself…Is that how people think he is ALL the time? If so, then I’m doing something wrong. I’d be doing a disservice to you, my family and the autism community if all I talked about was the positive. I created this space, this community, to inspire others…
Read MoreAutism as a Full Time Single Mom
My five year old son has autism. I am currently a full time single mom, who used to be a part time dog mom, and that about sums up my little world. We are a little over two years into the diagnosis and up until seven months ago, my son was considered nonverbal. He has made huge strides in so many areas, mostly in speech, and I am so, so, so grateful for the therapy and resources we have used to get us to where we are today. I don’t…
Read MoreWhat Autism Took From Me
It’s hard to write this — As I look at our wedding photo from 31 years ago, I almost don’t recognize the woman in the photo. I can’t help but think what autism took from me…from us. There were so many years I spent my nights sitting in front of my computer, trying to find a way to help our son. I lost count of how many hours I spent. I was going to help him even if it meant I lost you. I couldn’t do both and I hoped…
Read MoreMarrying Autism: Being the Spouse of an Aspie
In the media, people hear about amazing children with Autism, the challenges they face, and support that is available for them. This includes awareness, therapy options, communication skills. However, there is almost nothing advertised about adults on the Spectrum. It’s as if Autism vanishes when kids hit 18, 20, 30, etc. Unfortunately, this is a far cry from the truth. Autism is not a “childhood illness” that children can outgrow. Instead, Autism grows up. With that, the resources, assistance, and compassion dwindle down to nothing. They are merely forgotten statistics.…
Read MoreIf He Get’s Sick
Here in New Hampshire, we are on day 6,382,091 of quarantine. Okay, okay. I’m exaggerating. Its only day 5,847,235 of quarantine. Either way, it’s been a long time. Hi. My name is Carrie. I have five kids. I live in New Hampshire. Our state has been under a shelter-in-place since March 13th. We are tired of it. We are tired of ourselves, and our house, and our yard. We are tired of walking around the neighborhood. Our dog, Wolfie, is especially tired of walking around the neighborhood. He runs to…
Read MoreIt’s Not You Son, It’s Us
You’ve been walking quite a bit these days. You like walking; it calms you. You like to look at the birds, the sky. You open your mouth to take in the wind. Puddles are too good to pass by without engagement. You usually hold my hand. We talk about what we see. You repeat. You look, you smile, you laugh. Sometimes you point. But this day you let go of my hand. Unafraid and free. You needed to move at your pace, faster than me. You needed to feel the…
Read MoreThe Power of Words
“I like good strong words that mean something…” ― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women The quote above is from one of my favorite stories as a child. Little Women reminded me of my youth. I loved the story, and I still do. I think what I liked most about it was the way the story was told. The beautiful words and details that Louisa May Alcott chose to tell her story. I am infatuated with words. I love to write them and hear the intoxicating way they coalesce to form…
Read MoreFind Hope and Hold Onto it With All You Have
I wasn’t one of those mothers who saw it coming. I was blindsided when I heard the word autism. It hit my like a freight train and shattered my soul into a billion pieces instantly. That horrible feeling of not being able to breath, unwavering fear, fear of the unknowing, and worst of all, hopelessness, took over every inch of me. I thought at that moment I would never feel as horrible as I did then. As many of you know that would not be the case. That feeling would…
Read More