February 5, 2026
Helping vs. Hurting: A Parenting Lesson from Raising My Autistic Son
There is a saying I heard a while back that reframed a lot of how I parent my autistic son.
Am I helping or hurting?
Let me set the scene first.
I ordered pizza for my four kids tonight. It’s been a day and pizza sounded good.
I was busy doing a few things so my second son Sawyer, who is 13, dished up his plate. He is not one to wait for food.
Minutes later when I walked into the living room I saw his older brother Cooper eating pizza too.
I was sort of shocked. See, his brother got him the pizza. Which is pretty sweet because I doubt Cooper asked for it.
Sawyer just did it. Because he’s awesome.
But it wasn’t cut. At fifteen years old, Cooper still needs all his food cut. Or so I thought.
I paused for a second and watched him pick up the pizza and eat it. I know this sounds so silly. But I often refer to the autism world as the secret world of autism.
Everything is just different. Milestones come later or are missed. Some things never happen.
We modify. We adjust. We wait. We hope.
It’s just our world.
I’ve never seen my teenage son eat pizza like a teenager. So casually. Unprompted. Without help.
It felt like such a typical moment. We don’t get a lot of those either.
And then I realized, I’ve been cutting his pizza and helping him eat it because I always have. I didn’t know he could do it on his own. Because he never had to I guess.
Am I helping or hurting?
There is a lot of coddling that happens when you have a child with a disability. That’s not a negative thing. It just is.
Our kids need a lot of help to be successful. But I am reminded that they can do more.
He’s also not supposed to eat on the couch.
Such a teenager this one.
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