I Wondered Why Autism

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Earlier in my journey I would often wonder why.

Why my daughter, our family?

It seemed unjust, unfair, why did this happen to her?

It didn’t make sense, when I looked around I saw other families and their children and everything looked different from ours.

Easy, simple, typical

We were anything but. We were loud, chaotic, and everything was challenging.

I searched for a reason, for something that could explain it.

There wasn’t an answer.

This was the life she was given, the life we were all given.

I didn’t know anyone else who had a child with autism.

Her challenges were very apparent. We stood out. We were stared at and not understood.

Over time I realize it didn’t matter why.

I learned that differences are okay.

Autism has its struggles I do not dispute that, and some of them are really hard.

Autism brought me my daughter and that I would never change.

It made me who I am, it changed me at my core.

It showed me beauty I would be unaware of. The beauty that lies inside my daughter is beauty like nothing I have ever known.

Her innocence, her joy, is like no one else.

Her heart is pure, her smile is everything.

I wouldn’t have experienced the love and connection shared with a non verbal child. It is a bond like no other.

She wouldn’t of been able to bring hope and comfort to others on this journey.

I wouldn’t of met so many of the amazing woman I have met and formed friendships with.

A wouldn’t of known the strength I possess had autism not enter our lives.

This life may be the road less traveled but it is a beautiful life nonetheless. It is a life with trial and tribulations like many others, but that teaches inner strength and unconditional love.

It’s a journey of mixed emotions where you often find yourself smiling through your tears.

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Kimberly Mcisaac

Kim resides in Massachusetts with her husband and four children, two teenagers and two young adults. She is an advocate for autism, with a passion for spreading awareness, understanding and acceptance. Her daughter Alyssa is a young adult with profound, non verbal autism. She shares her daughter's journey into adulthood honestly and openly. She also is a cohost on the podcast Table for Five, No reservations, where she podcasts about parenting, and mental health, and autism. She also loves spending time with her family, drinking iced coffee and bingeing a good TV show.

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