Archive for February 2020
The Questionnaires Still Sting
My son Jayden has settled into school and he is doing amazing. I am still pinching myself every day when I drop him off. We are now starting to incorporate the other therapies Jayden needs back into his new schedule. It is official. I have received my mountain of paperwork. All I have to say is, WOW! Jayden is eight and some of the questionnaires are still completely brutal to complete. I really thought at this point the questions would be less cumbersome or I would be used to the…
Read MoreYour First Real Haircut
Last night was a big night for us kid. One that I honestly thought may never happen. A haircut. A real hair cut. See, mama has been cutting your hair for 8 long years. And yes, I apologize for all of the terrible cuts I gave you. But I had to teach myself. And I’ll describe it as trying to shave a grizzly bear at times. You are strong kid. You didn’t make it easy. We both cried over the years. I’ve taken a kick to the stomach and a…
Read MoreHe Stayed While I Loved Her More
The moment I laid my eyes on her, I knew she would alter my life in ways I had no ability to perceive just yet. It would have been impossible to know that her love would beckon me to pour myself into her all day, every day for years at the risk of losing my husband. I was already in love with her, and we had just met. My husband, Greg, was the whole package. From the beginning, I knew he was out of my league, but that didn’t scare…
Read MoreFor Every Autism Mama
For the mama who has just heard the very words that split her heart in half. He has autism. For the woman is lost amid a tidal wave of appointments, and meetings, and therapy sessions—who thinks longingly back to the days of high heels, and boardrooms, and a paycheck. I get it. The mama who longs for a crystal ball to know the unknowable. Will he learn to talk, or read, or drive, or work? Will he graduate, or have a career, or get married? Who will take care of…
Read MoreBaby Harbor
This is baby Harbor. The third baby. The third boy. The third little thief of sleep and sanity. He will be 16 months in just a few days. He is walking, talking, eating with a fork, playing hockey and incredibly curious. Of all three of my boys, he is the busiest. He wants to know how things work. Like the toilet. And Kleenex boxes. And mud puddles. He is also a terrible sleeper. And sick a lot. And he has the best hair. Like ever. Think Garth from Wayne’s World.…
Read MoreI Have to Grow Up Mama
Last night my seven year old had a hockey play date at the neighbor’s house. He hit pucks and went wild and skated while the snow fell down. I know because I saw a Snapchat that his father sent me. I was home with Cooper and the baby playing puzzles and cars and arguing about snacks and the volume of an iPad. As 9 pm approached, I started the bedtime process with two of my boys. Cooper immediately pointed to the front door and said, ‘SSSSAAAAWWWWEEEERRR.’ I told him little…
Read MoreThe Importance of Grace as a Special Needs Parent
I talk a lot about grace on this page. A word that honestly didn’t mean all that much to me before this journey. But now, well, grace is everything. Because as parents, we can be way too hard on ourselves. When I speak to parents of newly diagnosed kids, and parents of kids diagnosed long before autism was a common word, they all tell me similar stories. Every single parent. They tell me about the things they didn’t know. They didn’t know that their child was in pain. Or they…
Read MoreThe New Normal
I’ve always hated phrases like, “the new normal,” or “it is what it is.” In my eyes these expressions are just the lazy person’s way of not trying hard enough to make a difficult situation better. We’ll just call it, “the new normal” and move on. I can’t make it better so, “it is what it is.” I’m getting older but it’s cool because, “50 is the new 40.” You get the idea. When my youngest of four children was diagnosed with autism eight years ago, it felt like anything…
Read MoreAcceptance
Yesterday my husband asked me, “have you really accepted the fact that Hank has Autism?” It’s one of those conversations we always find a way to circle back to. Between talking about services, school, behavioral interventions, potty training, aggressions, speech, etc, etc, we always come back to this. “Acceptance” There’s a pause. A comma perhaps,Most likely a big fat question mark? Usually when we ask it to each other, we are really in a sense asking it to ourselves. We are seeking reassurance and validation for our feelings. What we are…
Read MoreThe Rewards of Parenting
Yesterday my father in law reached out over text message to see how we were doing. It has been an unusually busy and chaotic time for our family and he was just checking in. I told him we were doing Ok, hanging in there at least. He responded with empathy stating he remembers how hard it is parenting three small children and having zero energy left at the end of the day to do anything for yourself. He went on to say “You sort of put your life on hold,…
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