When Things Are Not As Expected
I’m in bed feeding my beautiful boy his bottle of milk. He’s cradled in my arms and I’m enjoying the cuddle, the quiet, the stillness.
Then his brother walks in, leans over and kisses his brother on the forehead.
I’ve waited for a moment like this for a lifetime, literally. My heart could burst. Their first kiss!
Then I’m bought back down to earth with such an overwhelming pang of sadness. I can’t help but feel it.
It’s a bittersweet moment because I’m feeding and cradling in my arms my three year old son and it’s his 19 month old brother, who crept in and kissed him.
It was beautiful, but it just wasn’t the way round I’d expected.
I waited and waited for a kiss to happen when my littlest was a baby. I longed for his brother, to take notice, to look at his baby brother, to acknowledge him, to seem interested in his new brother, just a bit.
It still hasn’t happened. I’m still hopeful.
Lots of things have happened that I haven’t expected over the last few years.
I never expected to have a child with autism.
I never expected him to be severe.
I never expected he wouldn’t talk.
I never expected my child would go to a specialist school and I never expected him to not kiss his baby brother.
I didn’t see any of it coming.
I also never expected just how hard I could fight for my son.
How protective I could get and how deeply I could love. These were all truly unexpected.
So, my beautiful first born boy, you are without doubt the best thing to ever happen to me and I can’t wait to see all the rest of the unexpected with you.
We just gotta take the rough with the smooth and the kisses when we can.
Written by, Katy Wozniak
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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
