The Relationships Lost Along the Way

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There is a very important lesson you will learn after you have a child diagnosed with autism. There are people in your life, and your child’s life, that will never fully understand. They will never be what you need them to be. Maybe it’s a shoulder to cry on. A phone call. A visit.

But they simply can’t do it.

They also aren’t always bad people either. They just can’t emotionally handle the diagnosis. Or the differences.

I will admit it took me years to understand and accept that.

Many long, sad, confused years wondering why certain people didn’t call. Or ask about him. Or visit. Or offer help. Why they didn’t try to get to know my amazing son?

Why couldn’t they be there when I needed them the most?

Or sometimes, I even felt like I was consoling them or offering them support about my son’s diagnosis. It made no sense.

They also couldn’t understand that we couldn’t go to every picnic, BBQ or even visit. We wanted too. We still do. But we can’t. And being in our lives means modifying our relationship. That’s what it takes to be in our lives.

I used to feel guilt and anger. I no longer do.

Today, I have amazing friends and family that I couldn’t live without. And I also have people in my life that I’ve let go. And people that I still love very much but keep at an arms length. It’s best that way.

I still think about the relationship lost though and wonder if I made the right decisions. Especially with one very important family member.

They just couldn’t do it. I’m still heartbroken over it.

But I look at Cooper, and I know that he is the most amazing person in the world. His smile. His love for trains. Sit with him for five minutes and you will fall in love.

But some people can’t spare five minutes I guess. I tell myself to have no regrets for my choices. Cooper’s care and quality of life will always come first. I won’t force anyone to be in his life.

Oh the lessons we learn along the way…

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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