Posts Tagged ‘autism blog’
I’m Sorry It Took So Long to Learn to be Your Mama
As I write this post you are sound asleep. You are curled up in the fetal position and breathing softly. Although you are now 10 years old, as I gaze down at you, you are still my baby. It seems like yesterday that I first held you in my arms. Tonight, before you fell asleep, you pulled me close for an ‘eye hug’. You nuzzled your right arm under my left shoulder and then pulled my face right in front of yours with your left hand. When our faces met,…
Read MoreCreating a Sensory Friendly Space
One of the pieces of advice I have received over the years from therapists, educators and even parents of adult autistic children, was to make our home sensory friendly. In my mind that sounded overwhelming. Did that mean more stuff in my living room? Did that mean spending more money on stuff my son wouldn’t use or even try? I already felt like our house was kid friendly. It was covered in toys, Legos, balls, and Nerf Gun bullets. We had kid size chairs, blankets and fidgets every where. Wasn’t…
Read MoreI’m Thankful for you: My Sister, My Rock
Deakyn is our almost four year old son who was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and is nonverbal. He was diagnosed earlier this year but we knew before that. He showed what we now know now were early signs when he was younger. Not knowing a lot about autism, just that it was something other people’s children had and that it wouldn’t happen to my family, we didn’t consider it We came into the autism world blind but ready to learn. He was a happy baby and a good sleeper…
Read MoreThank You to the Man who Chose Himself
Thank you to the man who chose himself over his child: Being a single mom is really hard. Being a single mom to a special needs child is next level. I never realized the strength I had inside of me. You helped me release these very primal instincts when it comes to our son, that I had no idea existed. I share such a rare and special bond with him because he is all I had for so long. It was just he and I everyday. There isn’t a person…
Read MoreI Wished this Version of Autism didn’t Exist
Unanswered questions and the fear of the unknown, Kept me awake at night and I felt so alone. People saying, “He’ll grow out it”, or Autism is a gift, Had no idea what they were saying, I wished this version of Autism didn’t exist. Robbing a child of their voice and basic life skills isn’t being blessed, It’s heartbreaking to watch, and leaves you all feeling distressed. Advocates and other Autism Mum’s may isolate you for being negative, They claim that to the ‘Autism world’ you’re being insensitive. Maybe it’s…
Read MoreOur New Normal
As I sit here tonight, it hit me hard. How many things in life I thought we’d be doing so effortlessly at this phase of Jackson’s development. Without worry. Or planning. Or hesitation. Tonight, we didn’t go to “movie night” at my son’s school because movies make him anxious. Like freak out, meltdown anxious. Just because they’re long. And that’s if we’re at home. No way could he tolerate a loud movie with dozens of people around. They served popcorn and drinks. None of which he’d eat. Or drink. It’s…
Read MoreMy Dear Friend Sally
Hi Sally Yes, that’s your real name. You are a real person. A middle aged woman. Honestly, it’s easier for me to respond to you when I think of you as a human being. A real person with thoughts, feelings and emotions. A grace that I’m not sure you granted me. I also won’t share your last name. This group of special needs parents is pretty fierce. When I share your comment I’m sure many of them will want to hunt you down and comment on your perfect life. I’m…
Read MoreWhen I Think about Reality
When I was pregnant with our third baby, Jamie and I would talk about our worries over introducing another little one to the family. There were two of us. There would be three of them. We’d be going from man-to-man to zone defense. But there was more to it than just that. Our son Cooper, who was 7 at the time, and now 8, didn’t have any self care. That means we dress him. We put his shoes on. We still feed him many of his meals. He doesn’t grab…
Read MoreWill You Talk Then?
I don’t often talk about God or heaven or religion on this blog. I don’t because the few times I have…people yell at me. Or it makes people feel uncomfortable. And I don’t want to do that. People can believe whatever they want to believe. So, I made the decision to not openly talk about religion. But I will tell you, that I went through a period where I was angry at God. I didn’t understand why my son was picked to have autism. It didn’t feel fair to him.…
Read MoreAn Autism Mom out in the Wild
I’m off on my first trip without my son. I ordered everything from Amazon as I can’t shop in stores with him. I ordered all the groceries for the weekend so they won’t have to go out. I feel like I’m prepared to do this first trip solo. It’s been 4.5 years….I can do this. Right? Well, I got everything ready and here I sit on the bathroom floor after my son is in bed trying to make my feet not look like something from Jurassic Park. It hit. The reality…
Read More