My sweet Olivia, I am writing this as a love letter to you. I have so many hopes for you as you walk your path in this life. I hope you know that, although we were surprised to find out we were having you, from the moment you took your first breath, I said aloud, “I am so happy we had you!” I hope you know that I have been fighting and advocating for you since you were a newborn baby and that I will never stop. Even when I…
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‘It feels like everyone is staring at us mom.’ That’s what my 10-year-old son said to me a few days ago. First, I’ll tell you he wasn’t wrong. Everyone was staring at us. A member of our family has a disability and while it’s not physical, meaning, you don’t ‘see’ it…. everyone sees it. Our oldest is 12 years old. On the paper in my desk drawer, it says his diagnosis is severe, level 3, nonverbal autism. It says a lot of other things too. His most recent evaluation was…
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‘Thanks for coming to my conferences mama.’ Of course buddy. ‘Did you like my owl? They are nocturnal. There is a girl I like. I’m going to ask her on a date on the last day of school. Then if she says no I won’t have to see her for the whole summer.’ That’s seriously genius. But you are too young to date. ‘I’m not doing for very good in reading. I’m trying. I need to stretch the words more. But it’s hard for me.’ You are doing just fine…
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Being a confident mother to a child with a disability didn’t always come natural to me. Even though it may appear that way. On social media. Or if you see me sitting on the ground in Target next to my son while his hands dance as he takes it all in. I may appear fearless. As I sit there, my back absorbing the stares. But often I feel out of control. Like I’m standing in a room spinning a dozen plates in the air. And praying that none fall. And…
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Self-Care You’ve probably heard a lot about the importance of it lately. It is important for everyone to do this, not to mention necessary. This is especially true for those of us who are caregivers. Many caregivers are what we call forever parents. This means that we have a child that requires constant care and assistance. I will also be the first to tell you that I have not been very good about this myself. For starters, I was a single mom for many years. I went to school full-time…
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Today can be one of those days that can cause parents of children with special needs to take pause. To lose their breath for a second. To take notice of differences. To feel slighted. To wish it could be easier. To give up for a second. To skip it all. Halloween. For me, in those early years post diagnosis, I took comfort living in our own comfortable bubble. But days like Halloween, pulled us out. And pushed us away at the same time. We were not like the other families.…
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Dear high school seniors, I want to talk to you about a group of individuals I wasn’t thinking about at your age. A group of individuals like my son, who need compassionate, patient individuals, just like you, who make a huge difference in their life and the lives of their caregivers like me. Choosing to work with individuals with disabilities wasn’t discussed at any career day, on any career assessment paper tool, or the college programs I was looking at….. but I wish they were. On a daily basis people…
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When it comes to Halloween and autism….whew, there is a lot of advice out there. And have you noticed a lot of it is really intense? Like almost intimidating. A lot of it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong as a parent. Blue buckets. Signs. Saying trick-or-treat. Everyone should get candy. Do this. Not that. What I find the most interesting about all the preachy advice is that the ones giving it aren’t walking with our family on Halloween. They don’t know what works for us and what…
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See these two boys? They are brothers. One is 12 and the other is 10. They both have birthdays coming up and at least once a day I hear… ‘First Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Cooper’s birthday and then mine!’ This family loves their birthdays. This photo may look like no big deal and when I snapped it, as the little brother walked his older brother into his first day of school this year, I remember pausing and thinking…this is it. This is what I prayed for. Every day. While driving.…
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A while ago a newspaper article showed up in my Facebook newsfeed about a petition to ban drive thrus in a neighboring city. It had thousands of comments. And hearts. And angry faces. I was so confused. How could anyone feel that strongly one way or another about drive thrus. What did they ever do to anybody? Well, after reading through countless comments it became clear. Food places that have drive thrus appeal to lower income people. Therefore, bringing down the cities appearance and value. Which was news to me.…
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