Last year my son Stalen went to preschool. I was so nervous and scared. It’s one thing to send your child off without you but it’s another when they are non-verbal, on the autism spectrum and have a lot of unique challenges. Stalen has pica so I was worried that he would eat something he shouldn’t. He also is a runner and elopes so that weighed heavily on my mind. I was worried about him being accepted, I was worried that he wouldn’t make any friends. I was worried that…
My husband and I work very hard to teach our son Jack practical life lessons. How to make breakfast, change a light bulb, feed the dog, get the mail—stuff like that. This isn’t always easy. It requires a lot of patience, and planning. You see, Jack has autism. He is sixteen. He doesn’t like lessons. He doesn’t quite comprehend things the same way other teenagers do. He needs step-by-step instructions, and a lot of cues. He is easily distracted by loud noises, or the looping track of ideas within his mind—what…
Throughout our journey to finding your voice I have come to learn the beauty in the simplicity of a whisper. There were days where I dreamt of your voice. I’d wake in tears trying to remember every moment, the tone, your facial expressions, but as quickly as the dream came, the memory of it left forever. My days would be filled with working with you on gaining communication skills, whether they would be by verbal speech or by hand gestures. I wanted, no I needed you to be able to…
“You are so strong.” If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me, I’d have enough money to pay for ABA Therapy…out of pocket. If you aren’t a special needs mom that might not make sense to you, but trust me, it is A LOT of money. I first started hearing it when I got divorced. Then even more once my son was diagnosed with Autism. A single mom to a special need’s child. I get it – It sounds strong. Here is the thing…
Research says people with autism often struggle with crushing anxiety, and may have a hard time forging meaningful connections with family, friends, and various social groups. When I read things like this, I see little more than a collection of letters on a page. As hard as I try, I cannot find my son within the sentences. And yet it is true, about the anxiety and the struggle to connect. Most of it, anyway. Or maybe some of it. { 5:46 in the morning } Mom. Mom. Wake up. Jack,…
Truth time. I’ve been sad this pregnancy, which isn’t an emotion I’m used too. Happy, angry, exhausted, motivated, hungry…yes. Those emotions I know well. (Is hungry an emotion? I say yes because I feel that shit in my soul.) But sad…almost never. Especially not during any of my prior pregnancies. I am a glass half full kind of girl. A find the joy, focus on the positive person. So it’s been a tough go this last 19 weeks. I feel like a stranger in my own body most days. Like…
I remember my Godson Zachary’s first birthday after his severe, nonverbal autism and apraxia diagnosis. I remember it clearly. I bought him this Ninja Turtles hat, knowing he hated hats but I thought how that was the one he was going to love. Spoiler alert, he didn’t. I think everyone in Zachary’s village has had this kind of moment over the years…which is fine and mostly harmless…but this doesn’t do him any favors. I think about that moment often. I don’t remember ever discussing the hat any further but I…
Last night, a cashier at Target brought me to tears. He was probably about 17 years old, the same age as Liz’s big brother. When we pulled up to the checkout lane, he asked Liz if she wanted a sticker. She shook her head no, as she always does in answer to that question. He then asked her what she wanted for Christmas. I politely said that she is nonverbal and mentioned a few of the things that she might like for Christmas. He didn’t miss a beat and went…
Parent: I wish my autistic child could talk to me. Parent: I wish my child with autism could communicate with me. Parent: I wish I knew what my nonverbal child was thinking. Parent: I wish I knew what my child loved. Child: Listen and I will show you in the most mysterious ways. Be prepared to wait. And to listen to more than just words. My son Cooper has started taking photos with his iPad. Hundreds and hundreds a day. I know because the iPad is linked to my iPhone…
