Embracing Autism and Finding Purpose – A Personal Story

How I Became the Strong Woman, I Am Today

My name is Jennie Logan. I am twenty-five years old and on the autism spectrum, and I was diagnosed when I was thirteen years old. My mom knew I had Autism as early as I was six months old. I didn’t like to be held by anyone but her. I didn’t like much love or affection, and she would lay me on the floor and notice me happiest when I was stimming off the TV, not being touched.

I would often throw tantrums when things didn’t go my way, and as I got older, I wasn’t very social. I wasn’t fully verbal until around fifteen, which didn’t help my cause. This led to severe bullying and feelings of isolation, sadness, and anger – especially before I knew why this was happening to me.

From as far back as I can remember, my mom has done all she can to help me reach my full potential. She has made me the woman I am today, from countless trips to meet with doctors and specialists to finding the right schools and ensuring I received the needed services. I am so grateful to have her in my life.

I finally realized what it meant to be autistic.

I remember I felt like everyone else until around the third and fourth grades. I still was unaware that I was different, though looking back, I could see signs as early as kindergarten. I wouldn’t play with the other kids, and I sat under a concrete awning by the bathroom a lot by myself.

Then, in fourth grade, I was severely bullied. I remember asking why this was happening to me. I would have meltdowns and beg daily to be kept home from school.

The following year, I was moved to a charter school for fifth grade, which was wonderful. It was in the sixth grade when I was diagnosed with Autism by my psychiatrist. I remember having an “aha” moment when I got home from that appointment. I looked up Asperger’s and cried because it was me. That was the exact moment I realized so much about my life.

I believe God decided to place me in this world for a divine purpose. Everyone is here because we are supposed to be here.

We all play our roles in this world. Being me makes the world more interesting.

It also means that because I am so open about my situation, I can be a teacher and an advocate for those who don’t have a voice. I’m writing a book about my world and experiences with Autism, my other diagnoses, and my life in general. As a kid, if I told my peers I was autistic, it wasn’t always received well, and they would use me.

As I got older, it became more apparent even without saying anything. Though, when I did say something, I got a lot of avoidance, stares, and whispers.

I also received a fair share of people faking to be my friend so they would feel better about themselves for being good to others. Or they would be mean and then try to twist it to say that I misunderstood because of my Autism.

Autism has helped me excel because I have a photographic memory. I do very well in school. I am a great singer and have hundreds of songs memorized. I love speaking to the public and spreading awareness whenever I can. Also, I absolutely love to write. I am going to college to become an author. I am almost done with my associate degree. I am graduating this spring.

Some struggles I have faced due to my Autism are Bullying, being stigmatized, being stared at, and being laughed at.

Still, the thing I struggled with the most was having to learn many things that come naturally to neurotypical people. I had to learn not to throw tantrums and to vocalize what I wanted. If I was confused, I had to ask for help. If I was mad, I had to learn to not take it out on others. My mom got the brunt of my anger, unfortunately.

Learning how to make friends at various stages of my life was also very difficult, as was learning how to adjust to change. I received occupational, physical, and applied behavior analysis therapies. Each service has helped me in different ways and helped me to achieve many things I didn’t think I would. I am genuinely proud of how far I have come. I even work at my college as a student worker at our disability resource center.

My short-term goals are to Be more self-confident, believe in my decisions, and let negativity roll off my back. The future is bright. Even in difficult times, believe in yourself. If you need someone to lean on, find that special person to be your anchor. Know there are resources out there to help you.

Also, know that the world isn’t overly accepting of Autism yet, but the more we speak up, the bigger the chance of change. Even if you are treated differently or unfairly, remember your morals, and never be someone you’re not.

God decided to place me in this world for a divine purpose. Everyone is here because we are supposed to be here.

We all play our roles in this world. I’m in my last year of college, getting my English associate degree, and working on my autobiography. I want to share my story and tell everyone that being different doesn’t mean being less. It took me a while to realize this, but now that I have, I advocate for the autism community and people like me through my Facebook page, Jennie’s One Voice