March 2, 2023

They Said Never, but I Always Believed in You

Aylssa

To my beautiful daughter,

I sit here and watch you try to answer questions. I can see how hard you are trying. 

It makes my heart ache seeing how hard it is for you. A task that should take such minimal effort.

 At the same time, to hear you answer with such pride and confidence when you are understood and correct, fills my heart up, and I can’t help but smile.

I am filling out a questionnaire, an endless one, it seems, all about what you can and can’t do. I have grown pretty thick skin over the years, but there is something about these questions that really irritates me. I find myself writing notes on the side.

See, they can’t capture the real picture of you.

They can’t see your heart, your smile, the way you brighten everything around you

I am fiercely protective of you, even on paper. 

Never is not an answer that I associate with you. “Never” seems so negative, so final. So, I will continue to write notes to explain, even though it is strictly multiple choice.

The word never was used a lot in the beginning of our journey.

I was told that you probably never use a fork or the toilet. That you would never understand words or speak them. 

Don’t worry, Mama never believed them.

I always believed in you, and I always will. I will never stop fighting for you, pushing you, or teaching you.

Things look different than I thought they would, and it’s okay. Because baby, you are not less. You are so much more.

More love, more smiles, and more laughter than I could ever imagine. You could even say you are a little extra.

I say extraordinary.

You amaze me every single day. You never give up. You are learning and growing in so many different ways, and I will be right here beside you to support and help you in every way I can.

I am so lucky to be your mom.

I love you to the moon and back and always will.

Love always,

Mama

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Kimberly Mcisaac

Kim resides in Massachusetts with her husband and four children, two teenagers and two young adults. She is an advocate for autism, with a passion for spreading awareness, understanding and acceptance. Her daughter Alyssa is a young adult with profound, non verbal autism. She shares her daughter's journey into adulthood honestly and openly. She also is a cohost on the podcast Table for Five, No reservations, where she podcasts about parenting, and mental health, and autism. She also loves spending time with her family, drinking iced coffee and bingeing a good TV show.

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4 Comments

  1. Pam on March 25, 2023 at 5:31 pm

    beautiful..and so we’ll said!!



    • Susann StrIn on April 6, 2023 at 8:37 am

      Nicely expressed. I always wondered why some of us have so much difficulty putting words to our thoughts. I can do it given time to think about it, but verbal conversation is a bit of a struggle. Thank you for opening eyes and sharing.



  2. Cindy L Wendeborn on March 30, 2023 at 1:28 pm

    I love this! My niece has two adult children. One young man that is supposed to be non verbal autistic. I say supposed to be because he was taught how to talk and carries on a conversation it may not be very deep but it’s amazing! I am very proud of her to be strong parent , I say strong parent because there was a divorce a dad is not there to help with the raising of these adult children!



  3. Jamie Skinner on April 5, 2023 at 10:19 pm

    You remind me of my mom. She never gave up on me.
    I was diagnosed with MR in the 60s. She refused to believe it. They said to send me away, but she refused. Finally, a kind ENT doctor diagnosed me as being deaf.
    After 2 surgeries I could hear. She taught me to talk using the Sear & Robuck catalog. I worked with special needs children for over 20 years. Your daughter will continue to bust that NEVER ceiling and bring you love.