A Brother and Sister on Their Own Path

I have two beautiful kids, a 7 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. My son is autistic. This adds a different dynamic to their relationship, but really it’s their normal. 

I remember the day they first met. We were so nervous about how he would react to her. 

We’d practiced with baby dolls and talked about her all the time. A reminder she was coming.

He had baby cousins around before, so he knew what babies were like. I was nervous about a baby that never leaves and has so much of mom’s and dad’s attention. 

When he came to the hospital after some coaxing, we got close to her and touched her face and kissed her head. He sat with me on the bed. A sweet moment.

Until he attempted to headbutt her. Eek.  My worst fear. 

I will say that was the worst of it. After that, he would sometimes approach but mostly ignored her. 

When she came home from the hospital, something changed in him. She brought a gentleness we hadn’t seen from him very often.

As their relationship progressed it’s become completely typical for us. There is so much love there.

It’s rare, but they do play. They fight and they hug. There is a lot of indifference most days from him, but when she enters his world, he allows her in.

Compared to the outside world, their relationship is not typical. My daughter is the younger sibling, but in many ways, the older sibling. She has passed her brother in many milestones.

I know for both of them this life is not easy. Sacrifices are made by both. 

Like her brother, my sweet daughter lives an atypical life compared to her friends. For now, she doesn’t know that. 

Somedays, I wonder about the day she’ll realize that.

She realizes most little sisters didn’t speak for their almost 7 year old brothers or explain things to them, at only 4 years old.

Realizes her friends did not usually make sure someone was holding their older sibling’s hand when crossing the street.

Realizes not all sisters rushed to tell their brothers to take a deep breath or that it would be okay when they were having a meltdown.

Realizes the number of times she was quickly handed off to a family member, while mom or dad had to attend to her brother.

Realizes how often she had to leave somewhere early because it was too hard for her brother.

In some ways, I fear that day. Will she resent us? Or worse, him?

I hope not.

When that day comes, I hope she can see how amazing she was and is.

That she knows no one ever asked her to do those things. She just did, and that is astounding.

When it all becomes too much, I pray she knows that while she is a defender of and a comforter for her brother – that she is just as important and just as loved.

Neither of my children have a simple path. They must make it their own and embrace it. I hope my daughter will see that the road she’s traveling isn’t easy for either of them, but they will both be better people because they have each other.