It’s Okay Sit In The Grief
I was chatting with someone from my previous life the other day and it got me thinking how much I have changed.
I say previous life because I am simply not the person I was before autism.
As I settled into this new life it chipped away at me piece by piece and I fundamentally changed as a person.
In fact, it changed my entire outlook on life. The things that mattered just didn’t anymore. I quickly learned what was important and what wasn’t. I also learned who would be there for us and who would not.
Over time I became detached from my previous life and that was hard for people to understand. Heck, it was hard for me to understand.
Their lives didn’t change ours did.
Learning to navigate the world of special needs is daunting. It is heartbreak on a level most will never understand.
But you know what? I have the privilege of watching my daughter grow and celebrating things most take for granted. Like dressing herself or getting a drink of water.
It is ok to sit in the grief and process it. And you may or may not change as a person and either way that is ok.
As I got off the phone with that person, I felt a peace I haven’t felt before. It was an acceptance I had not realized I had come to. And it felt good.
Take all the time you need. Your heart may need a little longer to accept this new life.
I definitely can relate to the statement that “deep grief set in.” Earlier on, I would ask myself ‘why my child?’ The answer is, “Why NOT my child?” Autism and adhd diagnoses are received by many worldwide. And there are worse diagnoses received by many. My child is only 5 and just started kindergarten and I surely do feel the daunting nature of the special needs world. It’s easy to get overwhelmed. But , as was stated, small successes, achievements that others might find trivial or minor, do bring joy and a measure of satisfaction.
Oh how I feel this……wondering , waiting for the day that the grief is gone . A possible acceptance. Maybe one day to stop asking why? Maybe one day without tears of the what if’s. Always feeling lost in the shuffle. Fighting a fight I can’t win. I so feel this. But I do pray that my someday will pop in even if for a brief visit!