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The Question I Get Asked as a Special Needs Mom

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The number one question I get asked is, do you want more kids?

It’s a very tricky subject. It’s something that I struggle with daily if I’m being honest, something I’ve intensely prayed about.

I’ve always loved the idea of a bunch of kids running around.  Ever since I was a little girl I wanted six kids. I wanted to adopt two and birth four.

I didn’t grow up wanting to be a foster parent. Actually, that desire didn’t come until much later in life.

But God opened that door for us at the Royal Family Kids Camp. It was a true surprise that I didn’t see coming.

Lucas was the first child that we received. And I didn’t know what our future would look like for years to come with him.

One year after we welcomed Lucas his older brother, Bryce, was placed in our home as well. It was hard to find a good balance and routine in our new life for a little while.

Two kids, one on the spectrum and one in sports, our lives were running in ten different directions.

We waited several years before we decided to have another child. I researched other families that had “on the spectrum” children and how they were with their siblings. I know that may sound silly, but I wanted to prepare our family for what could come in the future.

Seven weeks after I got pregnant, we experienced the loss of our sweet baby.

It is a loss that I will never be able to explain, but God brought us through that for a reason.

He gave us the best rainbow baby, Drew.

During my whole pregnancy, Lucas became very attached to me. He could feel the change that was about to happen.

The day we brought little Drew home, Lucas didn’t like him at all. The new baby crying was overwhelming to him.

Lucas didn’t want me holding Drew, he didn’t even want Drew near me. It made things difficult.

Everyone would tell me, “it’s okay, he will adjust”. But Lucas didn’t really adjust well for a whole year until Drew was mobile and finally fun to play with.

As most siblings do, Lucas and Drew still have those days when they have a harder time getting along.

That breaks my heart because as a mom and as the person I am, I’ve always wanted a lot of children. At least one more, a little girl.

I’ve always dreamed of having a daughter. I even saved all my toys as a child so I could give them to her one day. I’ve even had her name picked out since I was ten.

I never dreamed I would be a mom to all boys. So the thought of not having more children stings a little.

I’ve struggled with it. I’ve prayed about it.

I missed all the firsts with Bryce and Lucas.

The thought of never experiencing pregnancy again, feeling the sweet little kicks in my belly, or getting all the newborn baby snuggles I want, shattered me!

Have we thought about having more children? Only hundreds of times, but the main question that always comes to the surface is, can Lucas handle that?

Lucas and I were headed to therapy one day and I started thinking about how I may never have another baby. I started crying and had a little pity party, thinking about all the moments I could have had if it was a little girl.

After a few minutes of crying and trying to gather my thoughts, I started praying. Praying for understanding and peace.

And then the Lord said to me, “I have called you to be Lucas‘s mom. He needs YOU and that is where I need you. This is your calling, this is where I want you, I chose you. I chose you to be his voice, his advocate, his mom”

And as I drove, crying more, I felt a peace like no other.

How blessed am I? God could have chosen anyone, but he chose me!

Yes, some days are harder than others. When people ask me, “are you going to have more kids” I won’t lie, it hurts a little.

But I know God has the perfect plan for our family and I’m just so blessed to have three amazing boys. I will always serve, advocate and fight for them because that is what I was called to do. Called to be their mom!

So whether you are going through infertility, or grieving the loss of a baby, maybe even a baby you haven’t even conceived yet, or that you can’t have for the health of your family.

I want you to know I feel your heart.

Know your purpose. God chose you, and he wants you right where you are. Trust in him! And always know I’m praying for you.

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Kimberly Marler

Kimberly and her husband, Matthew, have been together for 12 years. They have three boys, Bryce, Lucas, and Drew. Their middle Son Lucas is autistic. She started a blog “Light Up Autism with Lucas” in 2021. She wants to take you along through their journey with autism.

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