I’m Ready For Forever

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This morning I thought about forever…as we woke up before the sun and hurried to get ready to go find trains.

This is what we do. 

When you first find out you’re going to become a parent you think about raising a child, sending them off to college and watching them get married to start a family of their own.

I’m not saying he won’t ever do any of these things, but I’m also saying we aren’t promised he will either.

The day you find out you’re not just a parent but now you’re a special needs parent, the thought of forever is too much to comprehend. It was for me anyway. I stared at to-do list in my head that I thought would make things temporary…instead of forever.

I kept thinking if I can just get him to sleep through the night.

Then if I can just get him to speak.

Potty train.

Feed himself.

Now it’s dress himself and make a friend.

My point is, it isn’t short-term, it’s forever. I’m not saying that to be negative, I’m just more realistic now.

I couldn’t believe the moms who were talking about forever care for their kids. They’ve given up I thought.

No, they were just further along in the process than I was.

I understand the situation is ever-evolving and the to-do list changes as time goes on, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy. And saying it’s heavy doesn’t mean I’m angry about it or that I’ve given up. It means I’m further along in my journey now. 

Lunch at 11am every day, overnight trips to find trains, hunting for yellow sandwiches and brownie batter hummus.

Always waking up before 6am.

The things I’ve learned that will be here for the long haul and are not just a phase.

It’s okay, I’m just ready for forever now, it’s heavy, but I’m ready.

Written by, Amanda Deluca

Amanda lives in Ohio with her husband, is a mom of 2 to Monroe, and Jackson. Her son is on the autism spectrum and he is what inspired her to begin her journey through advocacy in the IEP process. Amanda is a certified Master IEP coach and proudly serves family both locally and remotely to empower them to come to the IEP table with confidence while working collaboratively with their team. You can learn more about her IEP consulting business on her page: Advocate.Out.Loud- Amanda DeLuca. In her free time she enjoys teaching at her dance studio, and writing for her page Jackson’s Journey, Jackson’s Voice.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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