Maybe I’m Doing This Right

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Today was a bear of a day.

A no good, really bad day as the kids say.

But there were highs too.

My baby said ‘love you mama’ when I left his room tonight. He’s never said that before. I thought my heart was going to burst. I even made him say it again. It was just so perfect.

And then earlier today, while driving, my middle son asked me how babies are made. I froze. And because he’s so smart he said, ‘don’t worry mom, I already know. You just drink a potion.’ I smiled and said absolutely. I seriously love that kid.

And just a few seconds ago, my oldest son, the one with very few words, who has worn me thin today over paper and cookies and anxiety so brutal it would bring any person to their knees, looked at me and clear as day said…

‘MM-OO-MM, Ss-Aw-Er h-ome.’ See, he rarely gives his brother much attention during the day. If he does, it’s usually to drive him crazy. But when bedtime comes, something happens.

He wants to know where he is. He wants him to go to bed with. He wants him home.

Sawyer will be home soon. He’s finishing up a play date. And I know, with certainty, Cooper will wait up for him. Because his world is not quite right without Sawyer at bedtime.

These three. They push me right to the brink daily and then walk me back.

That’s motherhood I guess. Maybe that’s how you know you are doing it right.

Photo credit: Kacie Ko

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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