Do You Ever Wonder?

“Do you ever still wonder what he would be like if he didn’t have Down syndrome?” She asked.

It was an honest question from a new friend. She is several years behind me in this journey of parenting a child with Down syndrome.

I vividly remember being where she is now.

I remember feeling like the odd one out amongst family and friends- I was the 20-something who had a child with a disability.

I watched as their children hit the milestones at the appointed time on that now dreaded chart, while mine wasn’t even close.

When they went to playdates, we went to therapy and pre-op appointments.

My child was different and so was I.

Maybe this wasn’t God’s will for his life after all, I thought. Maybe this was something that happened to him as a result of sin and that ancient garden story.

And I would sometimes wonder; wonder what Down syndrome had taken away from him.

And I would sometimes dream; dream of who he would be without a disability.

And I would sometimes wish, wish, that I could take that extra chromosome away.

And then time passed and my heart slowly changed as the calendar flipped from one year to the next.

And I no longer wondered or dreamed or wished my child’s disability away. Because I realized there is no Anderson without Down syndrome.

There is no Anderson without his button nose or speckled eyes.There is no Anderson without his extra dose of intuition or empathetic touch.There is no Anderson without disability.

It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t lighten his load if I could. It doesn’t mean that I don’t still have some sad and tender feelings about his disability.

But most, if not all of those come from how the world sees him…not how I see him.

Before I thought disability was just a part of him, but eventually I realized it was every part of him. Before, I didn’t want disability to define him, but it did. It does. And that’s not a broken thing, but a good and whole thing.

I paused to answer my friend.

I wanted to make sure I was telling her the truth.

And I realized that the truth was- no. No, I never wonder, dream or wish my child’s disability away any more.

And one day, she won’t either.

Written by, Jillian Benfield

Jillian Benfield is author of the free e-book 5 Spiritual Comforts for Special Needs Parents. You can find her writings at JillianBenfield.com, Facebook and Instagram.

Interested in writing for Finding Cooper’s Voice? LEARN MORE

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.

14 likes
Prev post: Big ChangesNext post: I Hear You, I See You, You Are Strong

Related posts

Join Coop’s Troop
Join Coop’s Troop

Become a Supporter of Finding Cooper's Voice and join our online community, Coop's Troop. Membership includes Facebook Lives with our family, giveaways and more.
JOIN NOW

About Me
About Me

Finding Cooper's Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you're never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village....all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to my page!

READ MORE

SHOP OUR SHIRTS
SHOP OUR SHIRTS
FindingCoopersVoice
SHOP OUR SHIRTS
SHOP OUR SHIRTS
Sign up for Finding Cooper's Voice
* = required field

powered by MailChimp!
SHOP OUR SHIRTS
SHOP OUR SHIRTS
Most Popular
SHOP OUR SHIRTS
SHOP OUR SHIRTS