The Secret Club of Siblings

Today is an exciting day.

Today, I made a friend.

As a young adult in a new city, this is a pretty huge achievement.

We met at our apartment complex’s pool after I saw she was reading a book I have been meaning to read and the conversation moved from there. We talked about the places we want to visit when COVID is over, griped about our landlord, joked about how the Midwest is like your annoying sibling — if you’re from there, you’re allowed to make fun of it. But if someone from the coasts tries to make fun of the Midwest, watch out. We will fight you on that.

She’s in her mid-twenties, like me. She’s currently unemployed because of the pandemic, like me. The more we talked the more I could tell we could actually be good friends.

Then, she mentioned her brother.

He has a severe developmental disability, she told me. She said it in passing, like it was no big deal.

But it was everything.

At that moment, I knew I was right. We could definitely be friends.

Because my brother has a developmental disability too.

No way, I exclaimed. (I was probably a little too excited but I couldn’t contain myself) My brother has autism.

I saw her eyes light up the way mine did. I saw the understanding, the excitement, the relief.

You see, unless you have a sibling with a developmental disability, it’s hard to explain how that affects you.

I could try to explain how it makes you grow up faster than most kids your age. I could try to explain how it is simultaneously one of the best and hardest relationships I will ever have. I could try to explain the screaming, the stims, the singing, the smiles. But you wouldn’t really get it. Not really.

But this girl does.

She gets it because she’s lived it, too.

We immediately started swapping stories.

“Is your brother verbal? How old is he? Where does he live? Does he work?”

 “It’s hard, isn’t it? Oh yeah, I have scars from him. But he’s the sweetest guy now.”

“I want to buy a house with a guest suite for him some day. That’s my plan too!”

“Wanna see a picture of him? Yes, of course!”

Towards the end of our time at the pool (both of us were burning in the sun but didn’t want to admit defeat), we pulled out our phones to find pictures of our brothers, of our favorite guys on earth.

I showed her a picture I’d taken of Alex the week before, when I was visiting my family. He’s working on an art project, his happy place. I kinda sprung the photo on him so he gave me a genuine smile, not one of his fake ones. He really is just the sweetest guy.

She, in turn, showed me a picture of her brother. Right away I couldn’t help but smile. He was older than us, which was clear from the lines around his eyes. But the smile on his face was youthful, full of an innocence, a joy that can only be found in people like our brothers. I melted at the photo, just like she melted at Alex’s picture.

So yeah, I made a friend today. But she’s not an ordinary friend. She’s part of this secret, exclusive club neither of us ever meant to join…a special club for siblings.

And folks, I can’t tell you how excited I am to have found her.

Written by, Hannah Schlueter

Hannah is a young adult whose only brother, Alex, is on the autism spectrum. Alex is one of her all-time favorite people and definitely her favorite sibling.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.