Do you Dream?

When you sleep..

Do you dream my beautiful boy?

At nearly six years old, I still don’t know.

Autism took your voice years ago and has left me guessing.

If I ask..you can’t say.

I’m not even sure if you understand what a dream is..

Although we know you’re incredibly smart.

Comprehending by the minute, much more than we may think you do.

I can imagine that lately, you may dream of being inside of bright and colorful cartoon lands with Mickey Mouse and trying to find the “Surprise Mouse-ka-tool.”

Perhaps you are Ryder in a Paw Patrol episode or you have “Super Gecko Muscles” while fighting the Ninjalinos.

Maybe you dream of imaginary lands filled with shapes, letters and numbers of all sizes that you can name to your heart’s content.

It could be that your dreams are much like the worlds I believe you visit already.

Inside your mind.

While you are wide awake.

When you seem far away or you’re scripting.

Could the visions in your head be bigger?

More like our world?

The one you visit now?

Could the new, recent days of imaginary play have led to thoughts of becoming something one day?

A baker or a chef?

A restaurant owner?

A race car driver?

A train conductor?

Is it even possible for me to think that when you hold baby dolls you think of your Mommy and Daddy and you’re getting practice for parenting for the future?

Thoughts like that seem so distant.

They don’t seem realistic right now.

I know we can’t see that far.

But it’s just..

Too much hope.

But maybe..

The best Uncle ever?

I can see that.

Do you ever have nightmares?

What frightens you?

Are there glaring lights and scary loud noises in them?

Are they filled with a feeling of being unloved?

Are you abandoned?

Lost and alone?

Do big, confusing adults not listen?

Do they leave you in corners?

Take advantage?

Harm you?

Does only bewildering silence come to your lips as you try to get your brain to tell your mouth what to say?

Maybe you dream of being the fastest like Sonic in running or swimming.

Or is it Christmas everyday?

Are you “walking in your red shoes” with Pete the Cat?

Or running naked down a street and laughing hysterically while some one shouts “No Finn!” like your latest fave, “No David”.

Maybe if you dream..

You just imagine what freedom must be like.

To be able to run without a hand or backpack attached to you at all times.

To just open the cupboard with the hidden candy and the bathroom door without having to ask.

You may even dream of a home without locks on every door and playing outside more often.

Are there oceans or snow?

Do you dream of having a friend?

Someone to play with?

Going to school?

Are your dreams filled with the things you enjoy?

McDonald’s vanilla milkshakes and “lunchboxes?”

Spoofs and tickles from Daddy?

Brother chasing you?

Sissy and special handshakes?

Hugs and snugs from Mommy?

Trips to the Park?

Playing games or doing puzzles with Avery, Stephanie and Michelle?

Is your slumberland filled with the same noises?

Are there blaring tv’s and iPads?

Echoes of multiple bins of toys being dumped?

Maybe you dump them all day until the floor is completely covered.

Do you hold your breath in bathtubs to see if you can break your last record?

Can you swim?

Can you fly like a bird?

Do you get to flood the bathroom before Mommy says turn the water off for the hundredth time?

Do you have control of everything?

Do all things go your way?

Do you meltdown?

Are you frustrated?

Smash your head into things?

Do you get aggressive and hurt the people you love?

Do you dream of people you might miss like Kate, Billy, Jenny and Grandma?

Do you dream of seeing Papa sleeping in his casket?

Or in heaven?

And then my mind goes there..

In your dreams..

Can you speak?

Can you tell me all the things you can’t now?

Can you tell me your favorite color?

Or why you won’t eat blueberries anymore?

The best part of your days?

And why you can’t sleep?

Are you able to say where it hurts?

Why do you only like your food cold?

And what can I do to ease your anxiety?

How can I help you?

Can you tell me how to make it better for you?

Is this a place where there are more answers than questions?

As I wonder about your dreams I realize many of mine are the same.

They are filled with all these things you can do, might do or might be.

They are lists of wishes.

Some so simple.

In my dreams..

You are..

Happy.

Loved.

Warm.

Fed.

Safe.

Content.

And sometimes in my dreams you wake up and say…

“Hey Mommy, I had the craziest dream last night.”

“Would you like to hear it?”

Written by, Sheryl St. Aubin

I’m Sheryl. My husband and I were blessed with three beautiful, bright, brave and bold children…Finn (5), Landon(8) and Lilliana (12). Finn-a.k.a. Baby Bird, was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (severe) when he was two and a half years old. Landon was also diagnosed recently. Our life has been an adventure. This past April, I decided to start sharing our life and created a Facebook Page and blog. You can follow us on Facebook..
https://www.facebook.com/followyourflockwiththreelittlebirds/

I wanted to create a place for knowledge, encouragement, support, and comfort from people who understand…who walk in the same shoes.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.