I am her Person

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I still remember the day we found out we were having a girl. To say I was excited is a complete understatement.

I literally burst into tears. I have always dreamed of having a little girl.

It wasn’t just about the bows and the tutu it was about the mother daughter relationship.

My mom is my best friend and that is what I wanted with my daughter.

Sadie was born on October 9, 2014. Life was great. Well it wasn’t perfect but I had 2 amazing children and a loving husband.

I was finding my groove as a stay at home mom and then everything changed!

2016 began with us finding out that we were expecting again. I have always been an even numbers person so to find out that we were having a 3rd child my world was feeling a little upside down.

As I was starting wrap my head around this news, I noticed that Sadie didn’t really talk.

I wasn’t to worried because her older brother talked non stop so I actually enjoyed the quiet but I did take note of it to bring it up with the pediatrician at her 18 month appointment.

When the appointment came, I told the doctor my concern and that I thought Sadie might have a hearing problem because she didn’t respond to her name.

The doctor listened and said “why don’t you fill out this developmental check list, I’ll schedule a hearing test and will go from there.”

I thought perfect, we’ve got this!

That night I started filling out the packet and realized that we might have a real problem. The more I checked no or not yet the more my stomach began to hurt.

Like any mom in the 21st century I immediately started googling and what popped up…autism.

Things moved fairly fast from there.

We were evaluated by our regional center and  they immediately recommend 15 hours of early intervention services.

I knew it was autism but until we went to the developmental specialist it wasn’t real. The evaluation day came and I swear every autistic characteristic was on full display.

I remember turning to my husband and saying you know they are going to diagnose her with autism and we both did our nervous laugh. But as soon as they said the actual words I broke down in tears.

I like to blame the pregnancy hormones but the truth was everything that I thought and dreamed of the day I found out I was having a girl all of the sudden seem to be gone!

Our lives quickly revolved into one therapy appointment after the next.

I remember I gave birth to my third child and brought him home on Friday and our ABA therapist showed up first thing Monday morning.

I quickly learned therapy didn’t stop just because I gave birth, this was our new reality.

Days turn to months and months turned into years. Progress was slow but Sadie grew leaps and bounds.

We definitely had our set backs but she continues to amaze us each day. I worry about her future.

I wonder if she will be bullied or if she will have friends. I wonder if she will have a job, get married, have a family of her own or live with us for the rest of her life.

But the one thing that I don’t question is the bond we share.

No, it’s not how I had envisioned it the day I found out I was having a baby girl, It’s better!

Sadie knows I’m her person.

No, we don’t do typical mother daughter things we go on cheese burger adventures, we spin around in circles and we have dance parties!

I don’t know what Sadie future will hold but I do know that I will be right there beside her.

Written by, Deanna Williams

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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