Archive for January 2019
The Second Day of Kindergarten
When motherhood arrived, one of the many moments I looked forward to with warm cozy anticipation was the first day of kindergarten experience. I enjoyed collecting the kindergarten wardrobe and elementary school kid supplies. I remember laying my oldest daughter’s new school clothes across her bed while we carefully chose the first day outfit perfection. Then the day arrived and I was full of “I love you!” and “Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you” and then, the ever so common bittersweet “How did you grow up so fast?”…
Read MoreThank You to the Man who Chose Himself
Thank you to the man who chose himself over his child: Being a single mom is really hard. Being a single mom to a special needs child is next level. I never realized the strength I had inside of me. You helped me release these very primal instincts when it comes to our son, that I had no idea existed. I share such a rare and special bond with him because he is all I had for so long. It was just he and I everyday. There isn’t a person…
Read MoreThe Child Before the Diagnosis
We were standing on our patio and a plane flew close above us. It was loud and very easy to spot. “Look guys, a plane!” My 20 month old son followed my finger and he pointed too and smiled, “Ah, plann,” he said. I smiled with him. It looked nice against the crisp sky with everything around us covered in snow. I looked over at my daughter who had her back to us and was smiling too. She was still looking opposite us into the sky searching for a plane.…
Read MoreI Wished this Version of Autism didn’t Exist
Unanswered questions and the fear of the unknown, Kept me awake at night and I felt so alone. People saying, “He’ll grow out it”, or Autism is a gift, Had no idea what they were saying, I wished this version of Autism didn’t exist. Robbing a child of their voice and basic life skills isn’t being blessed, It’s heartbreaking to watch, and leaves you all feeling distressed. Advocates and other Autism Mum’s may isolate you for being negative, They claim that to the ‘Autism world’ you’re being insensitive. Maybe it’s…
Read MoreOur New Normal
As I sit here tonight, it hit me hard. How many things in life I thought we’d be doing so effortlessly at this phase of Jackson’s development. Without worry. Or planning. Or hesitation. Tonight, we didn’t go to “movie night” at my son’s school because movies make him anxious. Like freak out, meltdown anxious. Just because they’re long. And that’s if we’re at home. No way could he tolerate a loud movie with dozens of people around. They served popcorn and drinks. None of which he’d eat. Or drink. It’s…
Read MoreMy Dear Friend Sally
Hi Sally Yes, that’s your real name. You are a real person. A middle aged woman. Honestly, it’s easier for me to respond to you when I think of you as a human being. A real person with thoughts, feelings and emotions. A grace that I’m not sure you granted me. I also won’t share your last name. This group of special needs parents is pretty fierce. When I share your comment I’m sure many of them will want to hunt you down and comment on your perfect life. I’m…
Read MoreWhen I Think about Reality
When I was pregnant with our third baby, Jamie and I would talk about our worries over introducing another little one to the family. There were two of us. There would be three of them. We’d be going from man-to-man to zone defense. But there was more to it than just that. Our son Cooper, who was 7 at the time, and now 8, didn’t have any self care. That means we dress him. We put his shoes on. We still feed him many of his meals. He doesn’t grab…
Read MoreSawyer’s Sixth Birthday Celebration
Birthdays are a huge deal in our world. Especially when you son turns six years old! I tried to put a spell on him to keep him little forever but I guess I failed. He is growing up. Somedays it feels like it’s happening overnight. The day started very, very early. 4:30 AM to be exact. Cooper decided it was time to start the day. So, I used that time to blow up balloons and decorate Sawyer’s door. View this post on Instagram Mother of the year at…
Read MoreWill You Talk Then?
I don’t often talk about God or heaven or religion on this blog. I don’t because the few times I have…people yell at me. Or it makes people feel uncomfortable. And I don’t want to do that. People can believe whatever they want to believe. So, I made the decision to not openly talk about religion. But I will tell you, that I went through a period where I was angry at God. I didn’t understand why my son was picked to have autism. It didn’t feel fair to him.…
Read MoreAn Autism Mom out in the Wild
I’m off on my first trip without my son. I ordered everything from Amazon as I can’t shop in stores with him. I ordered all the groceries for the weekend so they won’t have to go out. I feel like I’m prepared to do this first trip solo. It’s been 4.5 years….I can do this. Right? Well, I got everything ready and here I sit on the bathroom floor after my son is in bed trying to make my feet not look like something from Jurassic Park. It hit. The reality…
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