What I Really Want For Christmas…

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I find myself having the same discussion that I’ve had every year around this time…

Buying presents for my son has always been difficult. I remember going to the toy store and grabbing my basket and strolling through the store excited to buy him something he was wanting or truly looking forward to and then suddenly reflect on the fact that he doesn’t even know how to play with toys.

I remember seeing all the parents together excited with their overflowing carts and chatting about how their child wanted this or that.

I would be in the toy store for hours looking at anything and everything, studying how it worked, and trying to visualize my child being able to understand how it worked or even wanting to try to play with it.

I always left empty-handed.

Every year I did this over and over and over again it was torture. I wanted so badly to find something –anything that he would just love.

I will tell you it’s gotten a bit easier over the years as I’ve just come to realize that he didn’t play the same way.

For instance, he didn’t know what to do with a ball. I remember giving him a ball while I yelled “throw it to me!” and Cody just looked at it tilting his head from side-to-side not even responding to my commands and then ultimately dropping it and moving on.

I remember his excited uncle giving him a gift that was wrapped in Thomas the Train paper and waiting patiently for Cody to unwrap it.

Cody just wasn’t interested in unwrapping the gift. He thought the gift wrapped in Thomas the Train paper was the gift and he was so happy to have received it.

He held the package up high over his head tilting his head side to side staring at it happily stimming. He never opened the gift.

I remember year after year Christmas presents going unopened for weeks and left in a corner because Cody just wasn’t interested.

Those were difficult years.

I say this because I’ve learned that you need to make the holidays work for your family whatever that may be. If it’s boxes wrapped in their favorite paper or toys they already have – so be it!

It really doesn’t matter because we all know it’s not the presents that matter, of course.

Learn to adjust to how holidays work best for your family!

Today, Cody only ask for videos and DVDs every year and that’s all he asks for — the same DVDs and videos that he already has.

He has multiples of everything but that’s what makes him happy and so that’s what we give him.

Oftentimes, they’re videos that are hard to find or they aren’t made anymore. It’s rare that they’re readily found. We either find them online through various sources we’ve had luck with throughout the years or we have to go to the “treasure store” which is what we call the thrift store.

The treasure store is Cody’s favorite place to go! I think he feels more comfortable there because it tends to be less crowded and not as stimulating for him.

He always finds his “treasure” and is beaming afterwards.

I’ve learned to not make holidays about gifts and what you think the holidays should be.

I’ve learned to enjoy holidays with my son without any expectations and just enjoy him without any judgements.

I am still saddened by what could have been as I watch him open his presents Christmas morning and toss them aside…really excited about the videos/DVDs that he receives. The same ones he already has instead of maybe the one gift that I struggled to buy that was “different” in the hopes of magically sparking a connection that otherwise wasn’t there.

But it never happens. It gets tossed aside as he squeals with excitement over the same videos and DVDs year after year.

That is our autism and all a part of the journey and I’m learning to be okay with it little by little.

If you like to share what you struggle with during the holidays, I’d love to hear your story!

Written by Leasa Hoogerwerf

My name is Leasa.  I am the mom of Cody who is 17 years old and diagnosed with severe autism.  We were told to institutionalize him early on and decided to do the complete opposite keep him with us, love him and work with him nonstop.  Cody spoke his very first word at 9 years old.  I started Cody Speaks to document our journey and share with others hope and encouragement.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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