Everything I Learned in Life I Learned in Kindergarten

This past week my son Brayden was child of the week. I had an opportunity to go into his classroom and talk with the class about Autism.

We talked about Brayden and how he loves to swim, jump on trampolines, play in the sand, and swing just like they do.

We talked about ways that we all cope if we are frightened, scared, or sad, and what that may look like for Brayden. The kids had an opportunity to try on his ear phones, weighted vest, blanket, and body sock.

They looked at his talker and learned how to request items. They found out how difficult it to communicate when you can’t read and don’t understand the pictures you are looking at.

I explained how we all can get frustrated when we feel we can’t communicate our wants and needs. The children were so eager to learn. So accepting and kind.

They learned willingly about autism, “the silent handicap.” They were encouraged to ask questions, include Brayden, and express their concerns.

As the meeting concluded I looked around the room at all the smiling faces.

Brayden was jumping, smiling, twirling, trying to steal their skittles, and enjoying life. The kids were just carrying on. No one was talking about him, no one was staring, and there was no judgement from these children.

Why can’t we all be more like Kindergarteners? After all everything in life we learned in kindergarten.

Today, It hurts my heart as I sit in the volleyball stands cheering on the players.  Instead of hearing cheers of positive affirmation from the parents that surround me,  I hear the mumbles and grumbles of negativity and criticism directed at the players and coaches.

What I ask is, “how would you feel if that was your child?” How would you feel if it was you they were talking about?

Would you feel motivated or defeated? Wouldn’t it put you into Mama Bear mode to protect your cub? Would you just want to throw in the towel as a coach? Do you feel that the negativity is making a positive impact on the players, coaches, or on the court?

Please be kind, positive, and support these kids. They are all a gift. Positivity and encouragement really enhances their confidence and performance.

Why is it that negativity is heard so much louder than the positive? Why do we always look for the flaws or mistakes rather than focus on the victories and accomplishments?

We are all human. We all have feelings and an intense desire to belong and be accepted. We are all blessed in different ways.

It is inbred in us to be jealous. Jealous of what we don’t have and always wanting more than what we have received. Why is it that we feel that we can make ourselves look or feel better by cutting others down?

We all make a snap decision about a person, a situation based on appearance, demeanor, or body language. We all can be put on the defense based on gossip, rumors, and fabricated truths.

I have learned so much over the past few years. Not to say that I was shallow or judgmental but when I saw a beautiful child at age 6 drinking out of a baby sippie, wearing diapers, or throwing objects out onto a volleyball court I thought, “parenting, some people are so lazy,” as I proudly looked down at my “perfect” potty trained straw drinking child.

We all pat ourselves on the back and say, “wow, I am an amazing parent.”

What we don’t realize is that children are a gift. This gift doesn’t come with a clause or an instruction manual. Each child comes with its own set of challenges.

It may have started with the ability to become pregnant, maintain a pregnancy, or postpartum depression so severe that you didn’t think that you could go on. It may come as a learning disability, physical defect, or a strong willed child. But this child was chosen specifically for you.

It is our job to raise them to be the best they can be.

As your child grows you realize that you can guide them, teach and encourage them, but in the end you need to let them go out into the world release the reigns and let them discover the world for themselves.

As parents our desire is to fix the world for our children. We want them to be so happy and successful.

What we often times don’t realize is our expectations, goals, and hopes may not be realistic or achievable. Our children may have other ideas, interests or gifts.

We need to remember that we see our own children through rose colored glasses. Glasses that cause us to see only the good. We are often jealous or envious of other children. We start to put them under a microscope looking for all their flaws and errors.

How do you think that it makes them feel?

Children are innocent by nature. They can be molded into kindness, understanding and acceptance. But likewise if all they hear is anger, negativity, and harsh words that too can mold your child.

Why is it as adults we too can’t have the innocence of a child and accept those around us, only sharing encouraging and supporting words.

I was taught at a young age that if you don’t have anything nice to say please don’t say anything at all. Until we have walked in another parent or child’s shoes please don’t judge. We have no idea the baggage, struggles, or frustrations that they are carrying around.

Think of the kindergartens that I taught this weeks. The open mind, the eagerness, the acceptance that they displayed.

They accepted Brayden for who he is with open arms.

This is a concept that is not limited to autism. It can translate to all walks of life whether it be your child’s athletic ability or achievement or their academic.

Please keep in mind we all have ears and can hear and words often cut deeper and leave a permanent imprint more so than the physical abuse.

Please be kind.

Written by, Laura Eiler

Laura is the mother of five and shares their families journey with autism at A Day in the Life of Brayden.

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