How to Grandparent a Special Needs Child

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I called you today, Mom and Dad. You knew today was the day. The day of the appointment. The appointment that would either relieve all our fears or change the future. You knew the doctors and teachers were throwing around words like “autistic” and “developmentally delayed.” You knew I refused to believe it. You refused, too (and I appreciate that more than you will ever know).

Our Family Was Changed Forever

We told each other for a long time that he was fine. We reassured each other daily. He was definitely a late talker, possibly even a late bloomer. We found comfort in the fact that boys often develop slower than girls. We shared stories of other toddlers who flapped their arms and lined up toys (which often are early signs of autism) and turned out fine. But yet, our hopes were wavering. The doubt was building.

We got the answer today.

After three years of worrying, hoping and refusing to see what was right in front of our eyes, the psychologist said my son — your grandson — was autistic. She described him with words like “severely disabled” and “delayed.” She said he will probably never talk or be potty trained. His future is unknown, she said.

In a 90-minute appointment, our family was changed forever. Just like that.

And now, I am telling you that your grandson is autistic and his future is unknown. As is mine. And yours.

Not only do you have a grandson that has special needs; you also have a daughter who is heartbroken.

I Realize This is Hard for You, Too

I am turning to you as a struggling mom who feels her baby is broken, and I don’t know how to fix him. I want to tell you I am sorry that I gave you a broken grandchild. Tell me how to maintain hope. Tell me how to get through this.

I know you are struggling, too. Not only do you have a grandson who has special needs; you also have a daughter who is heartbroken. You are feeling it on multiple levels, as a grandparent and a parent. I can only imagine the weight that you are carrying.

You had a vision of being a grandparent to this little boy. You already bought a fishing pole and a bike that he is unlikely to ever ride. Our family is different than we expected, Mom and Dad.

Here Is What I Need

You are my parents — the people I turn to when I am hurting. But this is uncharted territory. Our needs are more intense. Considering how this change has, and will, impact our family, here are the five things I need from you as grandparents to this special little child:

1. I need you to give me time to grieve. And I need you to grieve as well. We pictured a little boy and a future that won’t match up in reality. Go easy on me and give me some time to accept this. I love your optimism, Mom. It’s one of my favorite things about you. Just not right now. Be patient with me as I work through this.

2. I need you to give me reassurance. I need to know that you love this grandbaby as much as all the others because I’m scared that you won’t. I know he is more challenging and he is hard to connect with. I get it. I’m feeling it, too. You can’t do all the same things with him as the other kiddos. Please love him and find a different way to enter his world. I know you are going to miss out on special moments like Grandparents Day and trips to the zoo. I want you to know I understand how that feels. I am missing out, too.

3. I need you to avoid asking me questions about his future. I don’t know if he will get better and I don’t know what the future looks like right now. I can’t take those questions, because I don’t know the answers. You are looking to me for hope and it’s gut-wrenching.

4. I need for you to stop telling me stories about kids with disabilities. It seems like every person I know is suddenly an expert on my child’s disability. I am constantly getting emails and phone calls about cures and remedies. I know you want to help me by fixing him. I can’t hear about Aunt Carol’s daughter’s autistic neighbor right now. I’m sorry.

5. I need you to listen to me. I need you to call me or come over and sit with me. I need you to ask me about my day. My world is doctors, therapies and insurance companies. I can’t talk to my friends about this stuff and worry I’m losing my sanity and my identity. I am now the parent to a disabled child and don’t feel like I fit in anywhere anymore. Please listen to me go on and on about this. I need that more than you’ll ever know.

Our child’s disability feels so huge right now, but I believe that one day it will be better. We will find our place as his family and we will be stronger than ever. Let’s be patient with each other as we paddle along this journey together. Thank you.

(This post was originally published on NextAvenue.org)

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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82 Comments

  1. Tina on March 19, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    A brilliant read and I agree with all of this. My latest issue is how my parents wrap my son in cotton wool and constantly work against me in most things I do. Giving in to him, letting him do what he wants because he is ‘special’.



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    My name is Nora Tidermann, I am from Norway but I live Cardiff united Kingdom, I have been married 20 Years now, we have children that lives in different states and countries, we are famous and wealthy we have our personal house in UK with good business, But it all happened last year when my husband was having a serious problem with the Govt because an employee lied to the authorities about us and we the case was taken to the court, this case linger on for months with no solution to the extend we were about losing our licensee because deal on Pharmaceuticals, I was scared because we will lose everything we have worked for years, I went online for solution there was a testimony i saw online, her name was Marry from US, about Dr Sakomo, I write out the contact of dr sakomo WhatsApp +1502 7953-816 number, after much giving it a thoughts I decided to contact him and i explained my problems to him and the critical situation we are facing now, He told as long as the sun rises every morning, that he can help me and the case will be dropped and the person lied will be charge to court and be jailed, I believe him, He perform the necessary rituals needed, to my greatest surprise after 72 hours, on the next hearing, the case was discharge and the other was jailed . All thanks to Dr sakomo for his great and wonderful, words can’t explain how grateful i am to him that he rescue my family from going down. here is his email details email:drsakomo@gmail.com



  33. BLANK ATM CARD on December 14, 2022 at 10:28 am

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    They also sent me the blank atm card. I have used it to get 90,000 dollars. withdraw the maximum of 5,000 USD daily. The Dark Web is giving out cards just to help the poor. Hack and take money directly from any atm machine vault with the use of an atm programmed card which runs in automatic mode.



  34. BLANK ATM CARD on December 14, 2022 at 10:29 am

    Get $5,500 USD every day, for six months! See how it works. What’sApp :+,3,9,3,5,1,1,7,8,,8,5,8,7, I want to testify about Dark Web blank atm cards which can withdraw money from any atm machines around the world. I was very poor before and have no job. I saw so much testimony about how Dark Web hackers send them the atm blank card and use it to collect money in any atm machine and become rich.
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    They also sent me the blank atm card. I have used it to get 90,000 dollars. withdraw the maximum of 5,000 USD daily. The Dark Web is giving out cards just to help the poor. Hack and take money directly from any atm machine vault with the use of an atm programmed card which runs in automatic mode.

    thank God



  35. Megan Tates on January 2, 2023 at 7:57 pm

    Right, you didn’t get that New Years present from your wife this year. She’s sick and tired of you playing video games while having a credit score of 450. Turn off MyPlayer and contact the professor at (Profsydneycryptoconsultancy at gmail dot com or +1 (832) 696-0236), you can resolve this. In 3–4 days, he helped my husband repair his credit, and things are now OK.



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  37. Lorinda Riess on January 11, 2023 at 4:39 am

    Lorinda here too. On the internet, I came across a recommendation for Geek Squad Cyber. Both my husband and I needed to repair our credit. We couldn’t afford to repay the numerous loans we had with late payments. In the past, we have tried other services, but they haven’t really helped. However, after reading several positive reviews of Geek Squad Cyber, I suggested to my husband that we get in touch with them and explain our situation. Our credit was corrected, all bills were paid off, and they were able to raise each of our personal credit scores to above 750 in less than 14 working days. We are grateful for Geek Squad Cyber wonderful service. If we hadn’t consulted them, I’m not sure what would have happened to my husband and I. Do not be reluctant to get in touch with them for credit repair services, c.cyberservice(@)writeme.com or WhatsApp Number: ‪+1 (575) 552‑5946‬



  38. Elihle Valela on January 13, 2023 at 5:01 pm

    I have polycystic ovarian disease and I was also tested positive for herpes virus and was told by Gyn that I was not producing eggs. I wanted to have a baby so I opted to Dr Akhigbe herbal medicine for (P.O.D). I got pregnant in the first cycle and I am very happy! I have my first child in November. and Dr Akhigbe also gave me a herbal medicine that cures me of the herpes simplex virus infection and today I am herpes free,I would suggest this treatment to everyone. The only downfall is that it gave me cramping pain, headaches, and fatigue, but it was all worth it. Email him: (Drakhigbeherbalhome5@gmail.com) or WhatsAPP +2349021374574. To know more about the great herbalist that help me and am sure he too will help you.`Once again thanks Dr Akhigbe 



  39. Xavier Christine on January 15, 2023 at 1:57 am

    Hello, my name is Xavier Christine, and I now live in Chicago, Illinois. I’ve been a nurse working here in the United States for several years. I enjoy using the internet to pass the time, so I came into contact with a crypto broker who told me that if I invested $4,000, I could have enough money to buy myself a home and a hospital within a few months so I decided to invest. I was sending money as I could just for an investment. Throughout this time, he encouraged me to keep investing, and I had already invested $93,000.00 After a short while, I was unable to get in touch with him as I realised that my money had been stolen.

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  40. Vester on January 19, 2023 at 3:09 pm

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  41. Kendra Truly on January 23, 2023 at 10:16 am

    Psychologists say that seeing is believing; I realized there was a problem, but I was unable to solve it. I was recommended to computer speciallist by a friend. This hacking team had complete access to my spouse’s phone’s texts, calls, Facebook, WhatsApp, and other hidden social media information without having physical access to the device. I learn that my husband was having an affair over the phone with a person he met on a covert dating app. For more information (computerspeciallist@engineer.com) I was relieved since I now understand why it has been difficult for me to make out with my spouse. If you experience similar issues, get in touch with computer speciallist.



  42. Antonio Lucas on January 29, 2023 at 10:36 am

    I’m Antonio Lucas, I live in Italy. I am a Doctor , working here in Italy for years enjoying the internet over time, fortunately I came in contact with a crypto broker who introduced me to an investment scheme.He encourage me to invest $40,000 and I will have enough money to buy myself a house and hospital just in couple of months.
    Through out this period I invested enough money $360,000.00. suddenly I lost contact with me afterwards I was fraud, I become a victor through help expert hacker who help recover my funds. If you have any problem concerning hacking, Contact Rootkits Spammer (spammer@fastservice.com) expert never fails, trusted anytime.



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  44. Hina mouni on January 31, 2023 at 2:23 am

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  45. Abel on January 31, 2023 at 5:59 pm

    A few weeks ago, after being duped into using the trading platform with the promise of daily profits of 10%, I lost over $125,000 USDT to a bogus Bit by Bit trading platform. I had a terrible time during this time since I had trouble taking care of my feeding schedule and paying my bills. I had to confide in a close friend, who then gave me the name of this crypto recovery group that uses Rootkits Spammer top-notch recovery software. When I called them, they quickly and successfully recovered all of my stolen digital assets. This will always be the best service I’ve received online; it was truly amazing. I firmly advise anyone experiencing a similar scenario with their investment or fund theft to check up this group right away to find the best appropriate solution in order to prevent being duped by other phony recovery agents. If you have any problem concerning hacking, Contact Rootkits Spammer (spammer@fastservice.com) expert never fails, reliably trusted anytime.



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  47. Sasha on February 23, 2023 at 2:03 am

    I recently used Techspace to gain access to my husband’s mobile phone after he started being over protective with it. I was initially skeptical about using a hacking service, but the team at Techspace were professional, helpful, and transparent throughout the process. They clearly explained their methods and costs and kept me informed at each step. They were able to get into my husband’s phone and get me everything I needed including photos, messages, and documents which was a huge relief. Needless to say he wasn’t cheating, he only needed to surprise me for my birthday. The whole process was stress-free, and I would highly recommend Techspace to anyone in need of a similar service or in need of a hacker of any kind. You can contact them on techspace (at) cyberservice (dot) com or WhatsApp +1 (346) 895-2434, thank me later.



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  50. Elizabeth Beyer on February 27, 2023 at 2:16 am

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  51. Blake Rosemary on February 27, 2023 at 11:36 am

    My father passed away a year ago, and since I was supposed to take over his business, I needed access to his email to get all the documents I needed. However, I could only find his email address; for more than a few months, I have been unable to obtain his password. I was unable to access the email, but after getting in touch with Rootkits Spammer (spammer@fastservice.com) , these professionals were able to unlock it. This was something that, despite my previous contacts with numerous false hackers, I was unable to obtain for a very long period. I’m actually overjoyed since, thanks to Rootkits Spammer, I can now access all of his email accounts and fully control my inheritance. To ensure a quality hacking job, be sure to contact Rootkits Spammer.



  52. Carey on February 27, 2023 at 6:11 pm

    How To Hack On Your Cheating Partner

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  54. Arnette Deighton on March 7, 2023 at 4:54 pm

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  55. Arthur on March 7, 2023 at 6:37 pm

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  56. Leandro Rowe on March 11, 2023 at 7:02 pm

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  57. Anthony Ashley on March 16, 2023 at 10:21 am

    I’m overjoyed that my healing process progressed without any difficulties. I made sure to conduct my own research and investigation into a recovery company I was recommended to, and they did a great job of helping me recover every dollar I lost. I am grateful to Rootkits Spammer (spammer@fastservice.com) for their assistance in helping me recover my lost cryptocurrency, and I highly recommend them if you are looking to recover any type of cryptocurrency. You can also contact them through WhatsApp +351920258835



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  60. Monica Conrad on March 30, 2023 at 3:18 pm

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  61. Kylie Harvey on April 7, 2023 at 8:26 am

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  62. Riley Bryson on April 7, 2023 at 8:26 am

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  63. Sydney Tucker on April 7, 2023 at 8:27 am

    I wanna say thanks to DARK WEB for helping me boost my credit score from 420 to 840 excellent. Last year June i wasn’t able to afford to pay my house rent due to my low credit score until i met dark web he help me erased all bad reports on my credit line, boost my credit score. I would advise y’all to get in touch with him if you have any issues with your credit score, just text him on his email; DARKWEBONLINEHACKERS @ GMAIL . COM or his number (803) 392-1735



  64. Maurice Bridget on April 8, 2023 at 1:13 pm

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  67. belle on April 16, 2023 at 5:11 pm

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  69. Dave allen on April 18, 2023 at 6:14 am

    Investment is one of the best ways to achieve financial freedom.For a beginner there are so many challenges you face.Trading on the Crypto market has really been a life changer for me. I almost gave up on cryptocurrency at some point, until I got a proficient trader Bernie Doran, he gave me all the information required to succeed in trading I invested $1500. and got back $16,500.00 within 3 days of investment. His strategies and signals are the best reach out to him on Telegram: @bernie_fx



  70. Franco on April 18, 2023 at 7:42 am

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