March 5, 2026
Growing Into the Mother He Needed
In the beginning of this journey as a parent to an autistic child, my mind sometimes went to places I’m not proud of. Places filled with questions. Mostly why.
And if I’m being honest, those thoughts still visit sometimes.
I have many siblings. Many of my friends had children around the same time I did. And in quiet moments, or on really difficult days, I would catch myself thinking things like,
Why us? Why my son?
Those thoughts didn’t come from a lack of love.
They came from fear.
They came from the deep feeling that maybe I wasn’t enough. I’ve wrestled with that feeling for much of my life, the quiet belief that I’m not strong enough, not smart enough, not brave enough. Not enough to be the mother of a child who might need more than most.
But time has a way of softening those fears and reshaping those questions.
Because the truth is, motherhood was never about being ready or being enough before the journey begins.
It’s about growing into the mother your child needs, one day at a time.
And what I’ve come to realize is this: it is an honor to be his mother.
It is an honor to watch him grow and change in his own way, on his own timeline.
To see the world through his eyes.
To learn patience I never knew I had.
To discover strength I didn’t know was there.
His challenges are real. Some of them will be heavy. At times they feel heavy for me too.
But he will never carry them alone if I can help it.
Because loving him is not a burden.
It is the greatest privilege of my life.
And I will walk beside him for as long as I am able.
And when the day I fear comes, When I’m gone, I pray that he is safe and hope he thrives.
