Parenting in the Grey: Navigating Autism and Braces

Almost as if you are looking at your same life, your same child, even yourself, through a funhouse mirror.

It’s you. It’s them. It’s the same house. It’s the same family. But it’s just different.

I’ve felt that way for fourteen years now. And while I am more than confident about so many things, navigating autism in the world is confusing.

The days of black and white are gone. It’s all greys now.

Last night my fourteen-year-old, nonspeaking son, used an episode of Barney to tell me his tooth hurt.

“My tooth hurts!” Said the yellow dinosaur.

“You should go to the dentist.” Said the purple dinosaur.

I was blown away at his communication. A first for sure. When I peered in his mouth I saw the adult tooth poking through his bottom gum. It was in front of the baby tooth. And boy was it crooked.

To the dentist we went today. Which is sort of a big deal. See, we only just recently found a dentist that believed in helping and seeing my boy.

If you don’t have a person with a disability in your life, this may be hard to believe…but believe me….most places don’t want to treat our kids. They just don’t. And it’s awful and it’s said and it’s devastating.

But we found a dentist. And we love them. And just a few weeks ago we even got his first ever panoramic x-ray. The results were sort of what we assumed. Teeth all over. Teeth that need to come out.

Black and white scenario —- If he was neurotypical, we would do braces. But we live in the grey.

Functional vs. vanity?

I don’t know the answer, and no one can make if for us. Truthfully, I’ve felt sad over this decision.

He deserves a beautiful smile. But he also deserves to not be poked and prodded unnecessarily. Heck, this kid won’t even wear a band-aid.

Today, we talked through each scenario while Cars blared from the screen above.

We made a plan. Together. One that I feel good about.

And then we put spacers in his teeth. It took three of us to insert them. Well, I just held some lips and teeth and counted to 30 six times and hoped that if he bit it would be me and not them.

If he can tolerate the spacers for 7 days we will go to the next step. Bands for his back molars. I don’t know if it’s possible.

I said to my husband on the phone…I have to try. If it doesn’t work than we go to plan B. But I have to try for him. I am his advocate. And he matters so much to me.

This autism life is so confusing and hard to navigate. I just want to say that. I am doing my best over here in the grey area. A place I never thought I would be.