We Have Years Left

sawyer 3

As I was tucking these two in the other night, Sawyer said to his brother and I…‘I’m going to sleep in my room tonight Cooper.’

Cooper popped up quickly and distinctly shook his head and said a very serious…’no.’

This is huge for a few reasons. For one, my now ten year old just recently learned how to shake his head no. Its a skill that takes motor planning and didn’t come naturally to my sweet boy. It’s also pretty cute. He also vocalized NO. That’s new.

I sat there with Cooper in silence for a bit as he processed that his younger brother had ran off.

Eventually he looked at me and patted the pillow and said…’SS-AW-ER.’

My heart melted. There was a day not too long ago when these two didn’t acknowledge each other. Now Cooper asks for him daily.

I could hear Sawyer rummaging around in his bedroom as his older brother repeated his name.

Sawyer peeked his head around the corner and smiled and said…‘I’ll sleep with you buddy but someday I need my own room. But you can sleep with Harbor (our younger son) when I’m grown up. He will be here longer than me.’

Typically it seems like Cooper doesn’t understand this sorta stuff. Future planning is lost on him. He lives in the moment. A gift of autism in a way. Every day is his favorite day. No yesterday. No tomorrow. Just this very moment.

As Sawyer brushed his teeth, Cooper looked at me one more time, this time shaking his whole body, not just his head and tapping the pillow next to him more seriously.

‘SS-AW-ER. MMM-EEE.’

Sawyer and me.

I swear I saw his shoulders sink down as it dawned on him. The future.

I reassured him we have years left. And that he will never be alone. And that Sawyer will always come back.

I snapped this photo 20 minutes later.

It’s a beautiful love they have. More of an understanding. A bond. A devotion even.

Siblings are the best.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.

Avatar photo

Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

Share this post: