The Secret to Parenting is to Love Them Through
I have a secret for you.
Most of the time I don’t know what I’m doing in the world of parenting. Nor have I ever claimed too.
I mean I obviously know to brush my kid’s teeth and feed them fruit once in a while. I know to put sunscreen on them, hug and kiss them a dozen times a day, and not giggle when they say swears, but beyond that, I am mostly just winging it.
Especially when it comes to my first born. I joke that my autism manual got lost in the mail. Nine years in and I’m still waiting for it. But in all seriousness, it doesn’t work like that.
This parenting thing in general is a lot of trial and error, asking your parents and friends questions, googling and hoping for the best.
But, and it’s a big but, it’s different when your child veers off the typical path.
See, you have a child diagnosed with something, anything, and suddenly the rules of the game seem to change. And it’s not just the rules either. It’s the whole playing field. And it happens suddenly. Just like that. Even if you knew it was coming like I did.
You go to the appointment. You get the piece of paper. You get the label that will forever be branded on your child’s head. The one you need to get services and resources and help. The one that they need to code to insurance.
And then, well, you leave. Most likely with a packet of information that feels outdated and clinical. And you drive home.
Logically, because it’s 2020, you think all of this help is going to start pouring in. Right? Suddenly you have an answer. You know the name of the game now. You got this. Only, it doesn’t.
In fact, it feels more confusing than ever. Like you are the only one playing the game. And good golly the stakes are high.
In a way it feels more like ‘good luck’ instead of ‘how can we help.’
For the first few years I was frantic. Yup, me. I researched and read and joined and talked. I asked a million questions. But see, my child wasn’t like any other child I had met along the way.
Oh the mysteries of his autism. We had health problems. And school didn’t work out and we couldn’t leave the house. We had behaviors and no sleep and no words. We had anxiety and Apraxia and adhd.
Every which way I turned I hit another dead end. I almost caved from the pressure. From the race against the clock. Because I had this little vulnerable human that I was responsible for and I couldn’t seem to figure it all out.
Then one day, after failing for what felt like the millionth time, I realized I had no idea what I was doing. And that no one was going to tell me what to do. It dawned on me that what I needed to do was love him. And never give up hope or trying or believing. It was very freeing.
My son needed me to be the best mom for him and that meant learning a whole lot, learning to say ‘no, this isn’t right,’ and refusing to give up even on our hardest days.
Nine years in and well, I still don’t know what I’m doing. Shocker. We create our own path daily. But I’ll tell you this. Every decision I make has my son at the very center.
Parents, you will figure it all out. You will be lost more than found. But just keep moving forward. Never stop.
And accept that you don’t have to know what you are doing all the time. You simply need to love them through.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
