Stop Asking Women When They Are Having Another Baby
I have two amazing sons. My heart feels complete.
No, I don’t want to try for a girl.
No, I won’t change my mind in a few years.
Some questions sit a little differently after you have a child on the spectrum.
This one, really raises my blood pressure.
I have always wanted 2 children, I thought I would have 1 boy and 1 girl and life would be complete.
I had 2 boys, almost SIX years apart.
My 2nd has Autism.
I knew from the time he was a newborn that something was different. He was a very difficult baby, never slept, cried constantly, tons of allergies, always sick.
Then he started missing the age appropriate milestones, he hated to be held, didn’t make eye contact, showed no affection to anyone.
It was hard, I felt like a failure.
I did everything the exact same with both my boys, but they could not be more different. I felt like my baby didn’t love me, I questioned myself as a mother almost daily.
We had his 18 month check up and he still had no words, the doctor scheduled a speech follow up in 2 weeks. It was at that appointment where I first heard the words “I think its time for an Autism Evaluation”.
My heart sank, I was so confused, I cried for what felt like days, then I picked myself up and researched everything I could about Autism.
It all made sense. I felt like for the first time; I understood my son.
The days are filled with ABA therapy, Occupational therapy, physical therapy, feeding therapy, specialist appointments, social groups, and that’s just for ONE kid.
So, the answer is NO. I do not want another baby, I don’t have time.
I am already spread so thin we made the decision it would not be fair to our relationship, our children we already have, or a future child to even consider getting pregnant again.
I am slowly trying to find myself again and navigate this new life 4 months post diagnosis, a baby is not in the cards for me.
IT’S OKAY TO NOT WANT MORE CHILDREN. IT’S OKAY TO BE DONE. IT’S OKAY TO FEEL THAT YOUR FAMILY IS COMPLETE.
Stop making moms feel bad for not wanting more children. Stop telling them they will change their minds.
Stop asking them how they know their done.
Sometimes that answer can be a heavy one and its honestly none of your business…
Xo,
The Mama that is DONE!
My name is Rachel, I am a mom of two amazing boys. One of them was diagnosed with Autism at 2 years old and I have found writing to be a great outlet to deal with all the emotions, challenges, and victories that came with his diagnosis.
This post originally appeared on Rachel’s blog, Nathan’s View. You can also follower her on Instagram.
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