We Don’t Dwell on the Hard, but we do Acknowledge it

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I often think people assume that my husband and I dwell on the hard parts of autism because we choose to share them publicly.

I’ve been asked if our life is sad. Or been told that I clearly need therapy. That I’m depressed and need medication.

Or my favorite…that I’m negative. That one makes me giggle.

A little secret for you. We don’t dwell. We aren’t sad. We don’t wallow in pity. But we do acknowledge the hard.

The very real hard parts of raising a child with a lifelong disability.

And I’ll be honest. Maybe at one time we did dwell. A long time ago.

When he was first diagnosed and we were looking down a path that didn’t look familiar. A life that looked to have more struggles than most.

A life without words and lifelong care.

Those years were scary. Our child seemed to be locked inside his own world.

We spent our days trying to get help, reach him and to find our families sense of normal. God those were hard years.

But today, we choose to see the joy.

Now that doesn’t mean we don’t also feel exhaustion, occasional grief and thoughts of why. After eight years I can tell you those feelings are always there. At least for Jamie and I.

They are under the surface. Waiting to reappear at the most inopportune times. That’s life though.

But, we don’t dwell on those thoughts anymore.

We acknowledge them. Because they are real and valid. And then we move on.

We choose joy and like our son, we choose to see the beauty in a sound, a color and a dance.

As for the people who call us negative….stop on by. You will hear laughter and see dancing.

You will hear encouragement, train whistles, first words, and giggles wrapped around the hard parts.

Sometimes, you won’t know where one stops and the other starts. That’s the way we like it.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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