You Are Describing Two Different Children

A few weeks ago I received a comment on one of my videos that said, ‘When you talk about your son it seems like you are describing two different children. Is he high functioning or severe? Which one is it? Is he loving and sweet or exhausting and violent? Your videos are hard to watch because you are always jumping back and forth.’

I had to laugh. This woman had perfectly described the emotional roller coaster that is autism. Not only do I feel like I am describing different children some days, I also feel like as the mom, I never know what my emotions are going to be either.

Some days I am okay with having a disabled son. I feel like super mom who can take on anything. I’ll tell myself I am okay with nonverbal autism. I’m okay never hearing him speak or seeing him play a game or make a friend. I tell myself it will be fine. And most days I even believe it.

Some days Cooper will even do something to surprise me or show me a new skill and I will think, this is going to be okay. And before I know it, I will picture him speaking and graduating. I will picture a quirky, funny, beautiful child and I will all of a sudden be on top of the world.

But then some days, most often out of the blue, I will be blindsided by grief over my son’s disability. Something will happen and I will hate autism and everything it stole from him and our family. So yes, in a way, this woman was right. I do jump back and forth. And I don’t see it stopping anytime soon.

In this video I discuss the emotional roller coaster that is autism. Lots of emotions in this one.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.

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  • Diana Fitts

    December 5, 2017 at 2:15 pm
    Reply

    Yes! Unpredictability is the only constant with autism. And life in general!

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Finding Cooper's Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you're never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village....all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to my page!

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When my son was first diagnosed with autism no one was talking about it. Autism was hidden. I vow to change that.
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